In the Underworld, Everyone Wears Underwear

Vampires fight werewolves and worry about miscegenation in 2003's Underworld. If you ever wanted to see a LARPing session filmed with decent special effects and good performances, this fits the bill.

LARP or "Live Action Role Play" is a role playing game where people actually run around pretending to be fantastical beings, the most famous example being Vampire Masquerade by White Wolf who sued the makers of Underworld for its uncanny resemblance to White Wolf's uncanny publications. The entities settled their lawsuit in secret, an arcane mystery never to be revealed to our plebeian mortal eyes.

Underworld's screenplay by Danny McBride (no, not the Danny McBride who stars in Seth Rogan movies) from a story by McBride and director Len Wiseman has the pure pulp, chicken with its head cut off quality of a real LARP session. Kate Beckinsale is at the centre as a badass vampire named Selene who runs around shooting and shooting and shooting, blam blam, her two pistols at werewolves who run around shooting and shooting and occasionally transforming into cumbersome but visceral practical effects.

If you wonder how beings could've carried on a war for a thousand years like ten year olds playing Cops and Robbers, you're asking the wrong question. If you're asking how come vampires and werewolves are so cool, you're on the right page. You're a long way from depth here, it's best to just go along for the ride and Beckinsale is very cool and sexy. Supporting performances from Michael Sheen and Bill Nighy are also appreciably overwrought.

Underworld is available on YouTube.

X Sonnet 1955

Perdition sliced the angel cake from crumbs.
Divine divided beings were sweet and sharp.
She's perfect made from all her toes to thumbs.
A passive maid could never play the harp.
For perfect pluck an iron passion's right.
A must before the golden bust of gods.
As Heaven holds a ball to praise the light,
The flowers by the floor are gauging odds.
No waitress traipsed betwixt the downy wings.
The seraph sipped their sarsaparilla flutes.
While devils dined on spicy chicken wings.
Below the angels, mirrors laced their boots.
Forgotten parties brought the human cake.
Confusing strippers struck for Satan's sake.