Multipurpose Feet

A ballet troupe stranded in a remote Hungarian inn finds themselves fighting gangsters in 2026's Pretty Lethal. You'd think after the recent John Wick spin-off, Ballerina, there'd be some moratorium on ballet martial arts movies but no. In truth, this is a better film than Ballerina but none of these movies have really attained that holy grail of truly blending ballet and martial arts in a visually convincing way. What this film does get right is the relationship dynamics between women and girls, which I don't think is impossible for a man to write convincingly but the fact that this film was written and directed by women probably gave it a leg up.

This is also the second 2026 movie about girls kicking ass in a labyrinthine hotel I've watched in as many days. It seems to be the year for it. I am a sucker for movies in which people get stuck in big houses or hotels.

When their bus breaks down in the woods on their way to a big show in Budapest, the troupe is forced to walk through the wilderness before they miraculously stumble across the enormous inn. Inside, the dim, coloured lighting, casino atmosphere, and anachronistically 1920s gilded decor recall the John Wick movies. The girls reluctantly relax while their manager, Thorna (Lydia Leonard), tries to arrange some transport into town. Meanwhile, the girls meet the sinister owner of the place, Devora Kasimer, played by Uma Thurman, who's certainly believable as a former ballerina, as she turns out to be. Unfortunately, she's also a ruthless mob boss.

The girls are Zoe (Iris Apatow), Princess (Lana Condor), Chloe (Millicent Simmonds), Grace (Avantika), and Bones (Maddie Ziegler). The movie's strongest point is that by the end of the film you're acquainted with each girl's distinct personality, how she functions within the group dynamic, and you're concerned for all of them. Bones shapes up to be the leader because she's established as practical and already given to physical confrontation. Grace is an ultra-religious ditz who's darkly amusing after one of the gangsters drugs her. But her funniest line is near the end of the film when one of the other girls spots some explosives and says, "C4?!" and Grace says, "I see at least sixteen!" Someone should've said, "Say 'goodnight', Gracie."

But my favourite character, by far, was Princess, despite the fact that actress Lana Condor clearly does not have the physique for a professional ballerina. Not that I don't like her physique, I particularly enjoyed watching her run. But ballerinas tend towards the more slender. But while it never really seems credible that the girls can physically overpower their captors, Princess does have a brilliant moment where she talks her way out of trouble using nonsense and misdirection, randomly babbling to a gangster she runs into about the WiFi and a reality show she watches as a guilty pleasure. There are some viewers who might find use of such feminine wiles to be implausible but I suspect such viewers would be precisely the sorts of people who've fallen prey to such wiles more than once.

So the screenplay has the goods, the director is competent, and the cast are great. The crucial flaw in this film is the fight choreography. It's that choreography that has to bear the weight of so much of the film's essential premise, the idea that ballet is so much like a martial art already that a group of ballerinas can just improvise a fighting style from it to fend off a number of experienced killers. Too much of the film's choreography relies on the audience being used to artificial movie fighting styles which employ a lot more spinning than true martial arts tend to do. I suspect the rise in popularity of MMA fighting has made the average viewer too savvy for that now. It's just awkward and sometimes even silly watching these girls succeed in a fight by suddenly going en pointe or adopting some other elegant pose. What they ought to have done is contemplated the famous hallway fight scene in Oldboy. In that scene, the fight is exciting not because the protagonist exhibits astonishing skill, but because he's actually quite sloppy and unpolished and succeeds more by tenacity than by his years of solitary training. I do believe these girls have strong legs so I think some good choreography could have been worked out to make it credible that they manage to gain an upper hand despite a lot of messy setbacks.

It's certainly worth watching the movie for the characters at least. Pretty Lethal is available on Amazon Prime.

Hotel Morality

In trying to sum up the crazed, immortal Satanic cult dwelling in a ritzy New York hotel, Zazie Beetz's character in 2026's They Will Kill You at one point simply describes them as "rich people." This is par for the course when it comes to the intellectual level of the film's social commentary. Mostly it's an unabashed Quentin Tarantino pastiche with some incredible fight scenes and a few appreciably wacky, dark moments. I only wish the screenplay were a little smarter.

Beetz plays Asia Reaves, a young woman who goes to prison for ten years for shooting her father. Once she's released, she goes on a quest to find the little sister she'd been forced to leave with the abusive old man. This leads her to the Virgil, a labyrinthine art deco hotel in garish mustard yellow, saturated brown, and chili pepper red. One impressive fight scene later, chock a block with dismemberment, she discovers the hotel's denizens are immortal and they all want to kill her.

All the snap zooms and forefronted rock and hip hop songs really make it seem like Kirill Sokolov has watched Kill Bill vol. 1 at least ten thousand times. But while the Bride's extreme martial arts proficiency is explained by a backstory of intensive and often painful training, Asia's prowess is put down just to her having been in prison. This seems like a failure of imagination but there are lots of lapses of logic in the story, too. When Asia first gets to her room in the hotel, she sees eyes watching her in the air vent. She goes outside the room, looks around the hall, and the lights go out. When they come back on, she goes back to her room and goes to bed, apparently not caring that there's eyes watching her behind the vent, despite the fact that it'd made her scream and fall back on the ground moments before. Later, when an opponent plants a knife in her back, Asia breaks a mirror and uses it to see the knife while she uses a bookcase to get under the knife's handle so it's pulled out when she steps forward. Why doesn't she just pull it out with her hand? I have no idea. It's like the screenwriter thought the main character was going to be a turtle. Was this originally a Ninja Turtles script?

In terms of the social commentary, it's your standard lazy "rich white people versus poor black people." Unsurprisingly, the director is a rich white guy. He's from Russia, which may explain his meagre insight.

Zazie Beetz, who was the best part of Deadpool 2, is excellent in the action scenes and I really enjoyed the climactic battle. Heather Graham and Patricia Arquette are also in the movie.

They Will Kill You is available on HBOMax.

The Right to Home

Sometimes social commentary in art can be effective. The 1995 two part episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "Past Tense", found the 24th century main characters visiting San Francisco in 2024. That seemed like a far off future in 1995 but 2024 is already a year and a half ago. The premise of "Past Tense", which is one of the more lauded episodes of the series, is that by 2024 in the U.S. people will confine the homeless to concentration camps in major cities. The writers were inspired by observing the strange coexistence of extreme wealth alongside extreme poverty in Los Angeles.

This episode had been on my mind since returning from Japan. Japan seems to be a much wealthier country than the U.S. at this point, or at least a country where wealth's more evenly distributed. Homelessness is extremely rare in Japan, it's certainly far less visible. Coming back to the U.S. feels a little like being a 24th century Starfleet officer being suddenly confronted by the site of rampant homelessness. The same truth is apparent to them that's apparent to me, that the wealthy largely don't seem to regard the poor as belonging to the same species.

It's easy to see why the concentration camps never happened, despite a contemporaneous proposal for "havens" in Los Angeles that caught the show's writers by surprise. Such institutions would require money. It's easier and cheaper to allow private businesses and homeowners to foot the bill by restricting access to restrooms. I've been surprised by the transformation of the restrooms here in the U.S. since I left six years ago. Nearly every business has a coded lock on its door. Upon returning from my recent trip to Japan, I stopped in a Starbucks in San Diego to get a muffin because I realised I hadn't eaten in six hours or so (it's hard to keep track of time taking a ten hour flight across the dateline). While I was eating, a homeless man approached the counter and started chatting with the barista. It was a friendly chat but he clearly had an ulterior motive. Was he going to ask her out? Was he going to ask her for money? Nope, he just wanted the code to the restroom and she refused because he wasn't a paying customer. He left without causing any trouble. I assume he ended up having to piss on the ground somewhere. People complain about the urine stench but what do they expect? In Tokyo recently I sat by a young woman in a smart suit with a skirt before I realised she'd pissed herself and that's why other people on the train were giving her a wide berth. As an American, I sort of wanted to reassure her that I was used to it but I doubt she'd have been comforted.

In the Deep Space Nine episode there's eventually a riot which gets national attention that kicks off a series of events that lead to social change. It's very hard for me to imagine there won't eventually be a violent uprising in the real version of the 2020s.

Listen to the Sounds

I had a double David double feature last night and watched David Lynch's Wild at Heart followed by David Cronenberg's Videodrome. Just a couple weeks after I said Wild at Heart was the most elusive David Lynch movie, generally not to be found on streaming services, it turned up on The Criterion Channel. I ought to speak up more often. If anyone's listening, I'd like to see some more Aleksandr Ptushko movies.

There's a 4k restoration of Wild at Heart. I'm not sure if that's what's on The Criterion Channel but watching it with the volume way up I was freshly reminded how important it is to watch David Lynch movies in the right sensory circumstances. In a dark room without noise pollution and with as few breaks as possible. I'm really happy books are gaining popularity again but I fear there's a diminished appreciation for less expository artforms. To get Wild at Heart, you got to have the volume way up for Lula's screams and the electric guitar while Sailor beats the crap out of that guy on the hotel steps. Or for Marietta's gulping noises when she drinks down that martini. Or for Harry Dean Stanton spitting out the window when he's being talked about. Or the crinkling sound of Sailor's snack skin jacket when Bobby Peru's talking him into the bank heist. Lynch did a lot of his own sound design and it's absolutely crucial.

"Perception determines reality" as Brian O'Blivion says in Videodrome. In Japan they say, "見つからなければいいや", "it's okay if no-one sees you." The trouble is, most people don't realise all the little sensual details that attend on every word and every action. Artists are generally not good at lying because we're aware of how hopeless it is. The hallucinations experienced by Max in Videodrome are always off, in large and small ways, because the masterminds of the hallucinations lack the imagination to account for every aspect of perceptible reality. People who fail to appreciate sensual reality think all they need to successfully lie to someone is words. The truth always has a ripple effect, like a stone thrown into the pond, and the absence of those ripples is a dead giveaway.

It's eerie how prescient Videodrome is. How much the political battle via the television screen depicted in the film resembles the sinister aspects of social media algorithms on the internet to-day, how they push people into increasingly calcified political realities. But they're thin realities, they're not wholesome sustenance, which most people sense without being able to consciously describe.

Opaque Precipitation

A couple American cops escort a Japanese gangster back to Japan only to end up chasing him all over Osaka in Ridley Scott's 1989 film Black Rain. I'm used to western films getting basically nothing right about Japan so I was fascinated by how accurate this movie is about the location and especially the culture. It's almost too accurate because it becomes highly implausible that fish out of water Michael Douglas as the lead cop can ever be even remotely useful on the streets of a Japanese city. But there are some incredible action sequences in this movie complemented by one of the best Hans Zimmer scores I've ever heard.

The action begins in New York where Michael Douglas plays Nick Conklin, your typical maverick '80s American movie cop who's always pissing off his chief. This first act establishes he's really good on a motorcycle with a terrific race sequence along the wharf. You know it's going to pay off later but that makes it no less satisfying when it does.

Nick's partner is a young guy named Charlie (Andy Garcia) and the two of them are in a bar when they witness a group of yakuza execute a hit on the premises. There's a foot chase and Nick catches the leader, which leads to he and Charlie landing the job of escorting the guy overseas. But the guy almost immediately escapes once they're on Japanese soil. Nick, who's anathema to American protocols, is completely at odds with Japanese police procedure and I was amazed he even succeeded in being granted observer status. He's given a minder named Matsumoto (Takakura Ken) who's real job is to minimise the Americans' involvement. They really only start to gain a little ground because Matsumoto warms to Charlie's generous nature and Nick meets an American woman, Joyce (Kate Capshaw), working as a hostess in one of the clubs. She gives him some insight including one line that was so accurate it was in fact a thought I often had working in Japan; "Yes means no." Which in Nick's case, when he's told he can observe, it actually means he's been granted zero access.

Ridley Scott wanted to shoot entirely on location but found the red tape in Japan to be insurmountable, a problem that has stymied many a foreign production attempting to operate in Japan. Although most of the footage was shot in Osaka and Kobe, Scott was obliged late in production to take it overseas and the film's climax was shot in Napa Valley, California. But unlike John Wick, which gives a pretty poor imitation of Umeda Station, Scott recreated the cathedral-like interior of Hankyu Department Store (connected to Umeda Station) so well in Los Angeles I thought it was actually some of the location footage until I read the Wikipedia entry. I bet it would have been impossible to get permission for a guy to ride a motorcycle around in it as we see in the film.

It never comes off as plausible that Nick's able to make valuable contributions to the investigation in Osaka but it's still a pretty exciting action movie with some genuine insight on Japanese culture. Black Rain is available on Amazon Prime.

The Path of Toys

Social media encroaches on the realm of playtime in 2026's Toy Story 5. The first Toy Story movie made without the involvement of John Lasseter, the helm is taken by series co-creator Andrew Stanton for a story that examines the role of play in children's psychological development. It has some of the effective sweetness of the first three Toy Story movies, a little effective comedy, but mostly this one is more interested in commentary on the experience of childhood and caretaking.

This Toy Story has a remarkably lean writing team with director Andrew Stanton having sole "Story by" credit and sharing "Screenplay by" only with Kenna Harris. All previous Toy Story entries had no less than four writers with Toy Story 4 boasting nine. This is the first feature film writing credit for Harris, who is non-binary, but they wrote and directed "Ciao Alberto", the tie-in short film for Elio. Tiny, nigh-imperceptible portions of LGBTQ content in previous Toy Story films pissed off fringe conservative groups in the U.S. and I wonder if a scene early in Toy Story 5 in which Buzz Lightyear (Tim Allen) gives mouth-to-mouth to the toy dinosaur (Wallace Shawn) was meant as a deliberate provocation. It was funny. It's notable that all thought of tailoring toys for gender has been abandoned with no-one suggesting it's odd for Bonnie (Scarlett Spears) to be playing with spacemen and dinosaurs instead of Barbies.

Like some previous Toy Story movies, this one involves the presence of an interloper, in this case LilyPad (Greta Lee), essentially a child's iPad modelled on a real tablet called LeapPad. Through LilyPad, the shy child, Bonnie, is able to socialise for the first time via the tablet's automated chat group inclusion algorithm. This pulls Bonnie away from the toys, who are led in this film by the cowgirl, Jessie (Joan Cusack), the film's true lead, as the poster art suggests, despite Tom Hanks and Tim Allen getting top billing.

More than previous Toy Story films, this one is interested in the intrinsic value of the child's play with her toys. There's another reality established with a slightly different animation style in which the toys enact scenarios dreamt up by Bonnie and Blaze (Mykal-Michelle Harris), another child character. Bonnie likes to dream up weddings for the toys while Blaze, who lives on a farm, concocts an espionage drama for Jessie. This was the first time watching a Toy Story movie I actually thought back to my own childhood, playing with toys. Like Bonnie and Blaze, I would dream up stories that combined my disparate collections of Ghostbusters, Ninja Turtles, and Thundercats figures. I can see this as part of the process through which I became a lover of fiction and storytelling. So when Bonnie's interest is diverted by a more compulsive use of social media it's easy to see the harmful psychological impact.

The problem here is ultimately not put down to technology, though that is Jessie's preliminary diagnosis, but to the proper use and application of technology. LilyPad matches Bonnie with children who deride her interest in toys while Jessie recognises Blaze as a more positive influence. So AI is no substitute for the more human coded Jessie.

What is Jessie, who are the toys? Many critics interpret them as metaphorical parents because their efforts are in support of the child's development and well-being, particularly Jessie in this film and Woody in Toy Story 4. I would say the toys don't fit perfectly to any human corollary. They don't set rules for their humans or impose punitive measures as parents are compelled to do. They're more like devoted servants exercising a superior understanding of psychology and mental health in complete dedication to the child. They could be seen as teachers but maybe the best analogy would be artists. Or court jesters. It's a character type that used to be common but generally isn't thought to be relevant to-day--they're like Jiminy Cricket in Pinocchio or Sabu in The Thief of Bagdad or Jim in Tom Sawyer.

There were moments that made me laugh but this film certainly felt more like drama than comedy. There are some inventive and exciting chase sequences but perhaps they might have been better if they'd have been shorter. Blaze's design is kind of odd, her face looks like an adult's face on a child's body. But I don't have any substantial complaints about this film.

Toy Story 5 is now in theatres.

The Serious Life of Playthings

I'm going to see Toy Story 5 to-day with my family so last night I finally watched 2019's Toy Story 4. This was the last Toy Story to have John Lasseter on its crew--he was removed during production and the sense of altered creative direction is certainly apparent in the final film which begins strongly but ends on an oddly weak note.

Now living with their new kid, Bonnie, the familiar gang of toys must provide emotional support for her as she begins kindergarten. One of my favourite moments in the movie is when Woody (Tom Hanks), having hidden in Bonnie's knapsack, puts a bunch of raw materials on a table at school, prompting Bonnie to make a toy out of a spork and pipe cleaners. Woody may be a good toy but he'd have been a great dad. I wonder if he can procreate with Bo Peep (Annie Potts).

The plot mostly revolves around a love story between Woody and Bo Peep who, having separated from the other toys years before, now leads an independent life as a "lost toy". She doesn't like wearing her skirt anymore and gets around in a big mechanical skunk. Somehow she and Woody never manage to have any chemistry and I wasn't much invested in the two getting together, which is unfortunate since that's the subject matter of the film's climax. It pales in comparison to the early scenes of Bonnie at kindergarten.

Buzz Lightyear (Tim Allen) has a surprisingly small role in the movie, almost an afterthought. I wonder if folks were conspiring to phase out Tim Allen already. I guess they never found anything they could hang on him. Meanwhile, the supposed controversy around John Lasseter has melted away though his career has never recovered.

Toy Story 4 is available on Disney+.

Sonnet 1997

Forgotten yolk was left beside the pond.
The infant frogs would dream of webby feet.
The coffee slush would fade from black to blonde.
Surprising rain degrades the hanging meat.
With neon eyes, the brothel monster watched.
A silver blanket warmed the witness up.
A group of ducks would sleep upon her crotch.
The athlete john advised she wear a cup.
A cigarette replaced the censer smoke.
A leather jacket gleams beneath the glass.
Her mother's cherished necklace fine'ly broke.
Some voyeurs liked to listen for her gas.
Degrading wants will wither watchers too.
The morons tried to fix it all with glue.

Zombies are Forever

It's another zombie apocalypse and another group of survivors take shelter while the hordes roam the streets in 2026's This is Not a Test. This movie's about as average as it gets. There is an attempt to make the zombie nightmare tie in to a domestic drama but it's all undercut by weak writing that forces the characters to behave unnaturally.

Sloane (Olivia Holt) is a suicidal teenage girl living with an abusive father (Jeff Roop). Her sister, Lily (Joelle Farrow), had recently left home, leaving Sloane with an overwhelming sense of despair because Lily was her only ally in the ongoing war with their father. Then zombies attack and Sloane finds herself with classmates, three boys and one girl, hiding in the high school with the doors barricaded.

It all builds towards a confrontation between Sloane and Lily which the zombie apocalypse facilitates in an interesting way. But the story would've been a lot stronger if any time at all had been spent developing their father as a character and detailing exactly what manner of abuse Sloane and Lily were subjected to.

Most of the film is set at the school and the teens bicker with each other about various things. The other girl, Grace (Chloe Avakian), is the twin sister of one of the boys, Trace (Carson MacCormac) and they both endanger everyone with mistakes that aren't stupid in a natural way but more like stupid in the way of a screenwriter who doesn't know how people think.

This is Not a Test is available on Shudder.

Statistic Pride

It's Pride Month. When I googled "Pride Month" just now, Google had a set of related popular questions, the number one being, "What state has the least gays?" To which I immediately said, "You mean, 'What state has the fewest gays?'" before a split second later registering how moronic the premise of the question is. Morbid curiosity compelled me to click it so hopefully Google doesn't think I'm a homophobe now.

The AI's answer to the question is:

Based on population data from the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law, Mississippi and West Virginia tie for the lowest percentage of LGBTQ+ adults in the nation, each at 4.1% of their respective populations. Because state demographics and survey sizes fluctuate, you'll find that several other states consistently share the bottom of the list, including:

Alabama: 4% to 4.6%
North Carolina: 4.4%
South Carolina: 4.9%

Note: Demographers often observe that states with the smallest documented queer populations sometimes see lower numbers due to a lack of legal protections or a less welcoming social climate, which can make residents less likely to be open about their identity on surveys.

The AI cites The Advocate for these statistics. One might also point out that the numbers would be difficult to calculate because some people may be homosexual without realising it, depending on whether or not you believe homosexuality is invariably genetically determined.

But I've been in Japan for a week, I just got back to San Diego on Wednesday. How's Pride Month going over there? Well, this was in all the APA hotels I was staying in outside of Tokyo:

"日本はもっと強くなれる" translates to something like, "Japan is capable of great power/Japan can become more powerful." One might be forgiven for thinking that Japan has misinterpreted the point of Pride Month. But this is likely an intentional, passive aggressive insult aimed at Japan's LGBTQ community. According to Wikipedia:

APA has been noted in Japan for its proximity to the far right, particularly visible through the works considered revisionist and antisemitic that can be found in the company's hotel rooms, and the links of its founder with far-right figures such as Steve Bannon.

I've been witness to, and the target of, pervasive homophobic harassment in Japan. At the same time, I also worked with a number of LGTBQ Japanese teachers and, of course, I had plenty of LGBTQ students. They were almost invariably among the sanest of my coworkers and pupils. I was amazed at how confidently my LGTBQ colleagues could conduct themselves in such a rigorously hostile environment. One memory that sticks out, and I'm going to be vague on details because I know the assholes read my blog, is of one LGBTQ teacher whom I remember always exhibiting exceptional deportment and intuitive grace. This teacher also had a reverence for traditional Japanese aesthetics and culture. One day, this teacher came to work visibly altered in demeanour, uncontrollably shaking at times. Knowing the invasions of privacy and the intense "waruguchi", vigorously slanderous gossip, that I had been subjected to, I had some inkling of what this teacher had been a victim of, though I suspect, from the extreme change in demeanour, that this teacher had been subjected to something worse than I ever had, something so foul that it's difficult to imagine. That incident, though, made me appreciate the fortitude I regularly witnessed in my LGBTQ colleagues. Their pride is certainly well earned.

You know, there's a lot I love about Japan even now but at the moment I'm real fucking glad to be back in the States.

Who's Fixing Who

Over on The Spectator this week, former Doctor Who writer Gareth Roberts lists twenty ways to fix Doctor Who. I hated or disliked every episode of Doctor Who he wrote ("The Shakespeare Code", "The Unicorn and the Wasp", "The Lodger", "Closing Time", and half of "The Caretaker") and I consider his views on gender and transgenderism to be paranoid and abhorrent. But I mostly agree with his list.

At number 12 he has "Stories about Dr Who himself, the Tardis and the Time Lords, the series mythos etc, and overarching narratives in general, are boring and a turn-off." This is generally true of the entire run. I always want to skip The Deadly Assassin when I watch through the Tom Baker era. Though I find Omega kind of interesting.

At 15, Roberts says the Doctor "is beyond sex, money, religion, politics and most other things that children are not interested in. He never ever peacocks or grandstands and is never pious or self-pitying." Yes, absolutely, this needs to be tattooed on the backs of every Doctor Who writer's hands.

I don't wholly agree with number 16, "There should be one (female) assistant only", though I do like Roberts' preference for the term "assistant" over "companion". Generally speaking, it's better when the Doctor has just one female assistant but one of the best assistants was Jamie and his rapport with Zoe and Victoria was great. I also obviously don't agree that the assistant should be "someone from planet Earth" given Romana is one of my favourite assistants. But the general point that the assistant should be someone the viewer identifies with seems sensible to me.

"19. Attempts at profundity and social commentary should be resisted as strongly as attempts at sentimentality." I think we're all sick of social commentary and sentimentality but profundity is too general a term to prohibit. When you're talking about life and death situations one is almost certain to be profound now and then and I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of.

Many of Roberts' points are to do with the idea that the show should not be Doctor-centric, that the stories ought to be self-contained situations in which the Doctor is an outsider who gets involved. I would agree the show is better that way and there are only so many ways you can tell the story of the lonely mad genius in a box but I don't know that audience interest is currently there for a story that isn't fixated on a psychological progression (or regression) of the main character. Since the beginning of the 20th century, the evolution of superhero stories has been to slowly move away from being "A terrible situation in which a powerful being miraculously gets involved" to being "A powerful being finds itself in a situation that provokes self-contemplation and emotional growth". It's a side effect of people growing less interested in having a saviour and growing more interested in being a god.

Trains, Planes, and Shuttles

I'm back in San Diego after living through Wednesday twice. That's what I get for crossing the dateline. Ten hours on an airplane from Tokyo. I was going to take a train from Los Angeles to San Diego. I had such good experiences with trains in Japan. But when I got to the airport I got a text from Amtrak informing me they weren't going to check luggage so I cancelled the trip and got my 54 dollars refunded. I ended up taking a shuttle from LAX to Old Town San Diego for 60 dollars.

The distance between Osaka and Tokyo is 497km and takes about three hours to cross by bullet train. The distance between Los Angeles and San Diego is 194km and takes about three hours when Amtrak has its shit together. I heard Gavin Newsom wanted to get bullet trains for California but of course it got sucked down the usual bureaucratic whirlpools. So it goes.

Does Anybody Remember Laughter?

Here comes a new Disney movie.

Hexed is directed by Fawn Veerasunthorn and Jason Hand. Veerasunthorn co-directed the 100th anniversary Disney animated film. Do you remember what it was? Don't cheat and read ahead. Go ahead, try to remember it. It was the 100th anniversary so they couldn't mess around, it had to be good. It was also Veerasunthorn's first gig as director--Chris Buck was her co-director on that one. Maybe if Hexed is a success Disney will take the training wheels off. Still can't remember the 2023 movie? Here are a few hints. The protagonist was a pretty young woman. Alan Tudyk voiced a character. Give up?

It was . . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
Wish.

That's the name of the movie. I bet you still don't remember it.

I can't forget it. I still occasionally amuse myself remembering how bad it is, particularly the music. I think "I'm a Star" may be the single worst song in the history of cinema.

This morning I've been trying to imagine someone whose life isn't their own origin story.

Maybe Hexed will be better since it's a much simpler story. The YouTube comments are listing the number of other movies and series it resembles. Apparently it looks like something called The Owl House.

Oh, yeah, kind of. The character in Hexed has longer hair.

There may be some credence to the theory that Disney's using a lot more AI than it's disclosing. I almost think this stuff seems too mechanical to be AI.

I've been watching some of the horrible AI Star Wars videos on YouTube. The worst part of them is the pacing. Something about the length of shots and cut points feels so dead, so devoid of any interest in communicating a feeling. They do remind me of Ahsoka.

The strap of her bra constantly changes. At one point it changes when it just moves out of the shot for a second. There's also a split second at the end of the dance where her face suddenly looks very old. Maybe this is Carrie Fisher in Hell. Or maybe this is all of us in Hell.

Heavy is the Head that Wears the Crown on a Famously Slender Neck

Looking at the current Billboard Hot 100 this morning I see there's a new song by Ariana Grande at number one called "hate that i made you love me."

The music video's more interesting than the song. The lyrics are kind of bad. She wishes to part from a former lover but we don't get a sense of the substance of their relationship. The line about how he hates to see "women endure" seems to suggest he's sexist or a misogynist. I would guess she hates to be liked by a particular kind of male fan. The lack of any sense of intimacy in the song makes it seem more like a relationship between a star and fan(s) she's never met. Maybe she doesn't want to be liked by fans who see her as a frail little woman. But, honestly, she looks strikingly frail these days. She'd hardly be the first star with an eating disorder. If she comes to your doughnut shop, don't be precious about money, give her all the doughnuts she wants. Maybe throw in a few extras.

That's Justin Long in the video. Whoever came up with the concept for the video wisely used the vague lyrics as a prompt to create a more tangible story about a man who murdered his girlfriend. Grande's inexpressive performance works as a ghost stalking her killer.

Last night I was letting the YouTube algorithm take me through some music videos. Taylor Swift's "Blank Space" came up, her best song, in my opinion. It's her generation's and succeeding generation's anthem to celebrate being a psychotic succubus. A lot of songs from women about emotionally dominating men, like Billie Eilish's "Bad Guy", Meg Myers' "Lemon Eyes", or Sabrina Carpenter's "Espresso", have been popular over the past twenty years. How many songs like that were there before 2010? Grande is an outlier for hating that she makes men love her. Though I don't agree with the current definition of love as obsessive adoration.

I've been reading the current Norton Anthology's selections from Geoffrey Chaucer's famous 14th century work, The Canterbury Tales. It really seems like the whole thing should be included. The Knight's Tale certainly. Anyway, a lot of the introductory texts in Norton have a very clear political perspective. The introduction to The Wife of Bath's Tale says Chaucer "drew upon a centuries old tradition of misogynist writing." The Wife of Bath's famous revelation is that woman's ultimate desire is for dominance. Perhaps the Norton editors would say Sabrina Carpenter and Taylor Swift draw from the same tradition of misogyny but surely that's a highly disputable opinion that doesn't belong in a general introduction. After all, as Tears for Fears told us, everybody wants to rule the world. On the other hand, people are complaining about the strikingly submissive imagery Sabrina Carpenter and Olivia Rodrigo have indulged in. Ultimately, these are games and, outside of academia, most people intuitively understand that this role play isn't meant to impugn the essential humanity of men or women any more than Chaucer was saying that carpenters and reeves were all pathetic cuckolds.

Brutish and Petite

Poor little Carol Kane in 1972's Wedding in White, playing one of the most pathetic characters in cinematic history. Director William Fruet invites you to contemplate how horrible her life is. It sure is horrible, yep. I guess it's worth pondering.

Kane plays sixteen year old Jeanie who lives with her parents in a little house in Ontario during World War II. Her brother in the army comes home with a friend named Billy. Jeanie is shy but utterly transparent, completely emotionally available but mostly everyone's too busy complaining and drinking beer to notice.

Fruet goes out of his way to establish how dumb everyone is. Jeanie's father is played by Donald Pleasence who receives an award from his coworkers but mostly complains about making a speech. He lacks the basic foresight to see how he'll feel in the actual event. When he takes the floor, he's adorably bashful. Jeanie isn't the only one who can't help wearing her feelings on her sleeve.

Her brother's friend, Billy, is rejected by Jeanie's cheaply narcissistic best friend. So he drunkenly rapes Jeanie when she's trying to sleep on the couch. Fruet doesn't shoot it very well, it looks more like Billy dry humps the side of the couch, I was honestly surprised when she turned out to be pregnant later. Remember, everyone's dumb, so her father's solution is to have Jeanie marry his his best friend, a man in his 60s.

It's edifying. I'm sure things like this happen all too often. It kind of reminds me of British kitchen sink movies, like Saturday Night and Sunday Morning. Those movies tend to feel somehow more substantial, though. I guess Wedding in White feels like the filmmaker is looking down on these poor fools while the kitchen sink movies tend to find a kind of poetry in the characters played by Albert Finney or Rita Tushingham. Carol Kane is very pretty and sweet but I can't remember knowing anyone so devoid of a spark.

Wedding in White is available on The Criterion Channel.

Troopers Endure

One of the biggest oddities in the history of cinema must surely be 1997's Starship Troopers, the red-blooded, sci-fi action extravaganza that's actually a gossamer subtle, viciously smart satire. It was a misunderstood movie on its initial release, much like Showgirls, also from director Paul Verhoeven, but audiences caught up to Starship Troopers much faster than they did to Showgirls.

I remember when it came out, the trailers offered no hint to what it actually was. I think a lot of people approached it like RoboCop, another Paul Verhoeven movie which also featured dystopian satire but its main character was much cooler and more sympathetic. The main characters in Starship Troopers are sympathetic but in a different way. They're built for 1950s teenagers, dewy eyed kids with enthusiasm for good clean living and moral righteousness, unlike any kids in 1990s America, in other words. But if you go with it, you do get caught up in Casper Van Dien's need for personal validation and fulfillment which he finds through the military and for the romantic drama between him and Denise Richards. The propaganda film that it is successfully portrays this military as a place where the young and attractive people forge their careers and identities. One of the dystopian concepts is that military service is required in order to become a citizen. The story shows that military service is required for emotional maturation and self-actualisation, too. It's not just the legal path to becoming a full fledged human being, it's the spiritual and psychological path, too. It's full service propaganda.

There's also a subtle, very sinister aspect to the character played by Neil Patrick Harris who goes through special therapy and training to gain the ability to read the thoughts of the aliens. There's one line where he's asked if this will ever be adapted for use on humans and he gives a coy response about how that's a classified topic. Think about that in the context of that dialogue being propaganda. To the good denizen of the Federation watching, it's like, "We probably can't read your thoughts. But maybe we can. Better stay clean 24/7, inside and out, just in case."

It is a right wing dystopia and, for all the strait jacket bureaucracy of a left wing dystopia, the right wing variety is truly chilling. Behind the message that "might makes right" is the ultimate freedom is the bottomless right wing capacity for disgust that needs an inferior being to define itself against. It'll always find bugs to squash.

Starship Troopers is available on Netflix.

Sonnet 1996

The vanished road was hid behind the shack.
Another drop to sleep invests the bed.
But phantoms dance around behind her back.
The stranger's headlights fade, his batt'rey's dead.
The shops were all the same but folks had changed.
The oranges freshly squeezed were kept engaged.
Beyond essential need, the war is raged.
The tyrant's meaty hand has glued the page.
No baking soda lifts the oil stain.
The desert sun has bleached the beach of charm.
The power tie is weak just like his brain.
She tries to surf on milk around the farm.
They sent her back to shovel hay and shit.
She's not the only one who's sick of it.

Ally Size

About a week ago, back in the US, I decided to get back into watching Ally McBeal, picking up where I left off in the fourth season, only to find that on American Disney+/Hulu, the 4:3 footage has been given a stretch effect to fit a 16:9 screen, whether you want it or not. I hate it when they crop old 4:3 shows but the stretch effect is even worse, making everyone look like they're in a funhouse mirror. I remember the big outcry when it was found that The Simpsons was cropped on Disney+ and Disney eventually capitulated by introducing an option to view the show in original format or cropped. Why couldn't they have just done that for everything?

I could've used my VPN but I travelled all the way back to Japan instead where the show is in its proper format on Disney+. I guess Disney has more respect for the Japanese audience.

I watched "Obstacle Course", an episode from April 16, 2001, with one of the most, let's say, surprising verdicts for a court case on this lawyer comedy series. I'm going to go into spoilers for this one because I need you to appreciate how fucked up it is.

In this episode, Ally and her boyfriend, Larry, played by Robert Downey Jr., end up on opposite sides of a case in which a woman is suing a guy because they had an online romance and he didn't disclose that he's a dwarf. Over the course of trial testimony, we learn that their discussions had more than once revolved around the superficiality of dating based on appearance. Despite this, the woman is so appalled by the idea that she was duped into having affection for a dwarf that she feels she deserves financial compensation.

Ally represents the dwarf and Larry represents the woman and I thought, finally, an episode where we see Ally can be a good lawyer and even beat her brilliant boyfriend, even if the case is low hanging fruit. I mean, who would lose this case?

Ally McBeal, that's who. Yeah, and the show presents it like it's a totally reasonable outcome. The dwarf has to pay the woman 70,000 dollars because he didn't tell her he was a dwarf before they met in person. It's construed as fraud. Has the culture really changed that much since 2001? I don't think so, I think this would've seemed absurd back then.

This is one of the few episodes that wasn't written solely by David E. Kelley. It was co-written by Kayla Alpert who went on to write episodes of Emily in Paris and Wednesday. My theory is that they started out with a discussion about online relationships in which one person does not disclose that they're transgender. And one of them presented the hypothetical that one partner is a dwarf. If it should be fraud for one person not to disclose that they're transgender, certainly it would be fraud not to disclose that one has some other condition that could potentially impact physical lovemaking. I suspect someone stuck to their guns beyond all reason and insisted that, yes, in the case of a dwarf it would also be fraud.

The money awarded to the plaintiff is derived from the fact that she had quit her job and moved to another state in order to be with the man before she found out that she disliked his body. Maybe the stupidity of this idea is clearer in 2026. Who would build a relationship with someone without ever wanting to see what they looked like? Who would completely uproot their lives? Whether we're talking about a dwarf or a transperson or a talking starfish, it should've been child's play for Ally to point out that this woman went out of her way not to see her partner's physical appearance. She threw the dice and she has no grounds to complain about it now. Not to mention the fact that she's a shallow bloody hypocrite.

You'll notice this clip is neither stretched nor cropped but it's 16:9. So it must have been originally shot, like many shows of the time, in 16:3 and then cropped for 4:3 televisions which were still standard. Now I don't understand Disney at either end of the Pacific.

Tokyo in June

Here's a picture from Shibuya yesterday. I'm not in the picture. I see a lot of tourists walking around with selfie sticks. I saw one girl yesterday standing in a crosswalk, smiling serenely into hers. I continue to find it odd that there's evidently an audience for this. It seems kind of kimoi to me, hokey.

So far it's not been nearly as hot as I was expecting it to be, which is good because I no longer have a straw hat and am wearing my brown felt hat.

My brief visits to Tokyo this year have felt very different from my visit just a few years ago. I can see why the locals are so disturbed by the sudden influx of a foreign population but there are points where even people with no ability to speak Japanese are integrating. I took the train from Narita airport into Tokyo where I'd booked a room in Shibuya. I was wandering around on foot, trying to locate a particular neighbourhood. I went into a convenience store and asked a dark skinned young woman of possibly Indian or Indonesian heritage where it was. She didn't understand my Japanese and asked me to speak English. There was a young man, another possible Indian or Indonesian or Nepalese, behind the counter at another convenience store who tried to conceal from me his inability to speak Japanese. It seems this growing service class may be similar to the way Mexicans and Mexican Americans have been siphoned into such work in the US. Still, Japan compares well to my recent memories of the US where a massive visible population of homeless people is in stark contrast to a new population of extremely wealthy people. I have seen exactly one homeless person in my wanderings in Tokyo so far this week.

And here's a giant blowfish.