Mass Hypnosis is Okay if You Need Me Time

The most impressive thing about last night's finale of WandaVision was how disappointing it was. I mean, it really was impressive for the sheer scale of disappointment--it seemed like every point was covered--everywhere everyone was expecting a ten layer birthday cake, we got maybe half a Skittle instead. In the case of Quicksilver, they pulled a half digested cake out of our stomachs and replaced it with a plastic novelty penis. Yet there were some good things in the episode. I suspect it had the same problem the finale of Game of Thrones had--the creators were so caught up in evading fan predictions, they were willing to sacrifice more logical or interesting story elements.

Spoilers after the screenshot

So we were all excited to see the Evan Peters' Quicksilver appear and suddenly we had an inkling of how interesting this Multiverse thing was going to be. Well, the joke's on us because it turns out it wasn't really a Quicksilver of any kind but some guy named Boner. I guess some people can vicariously enjoy the trolling on a meta level. But it's not even particularly good trolling--I mean, what's the joke, exactly? That people who like Evan Peters' Quicksilver are stupid boys? Maybe it's a dig on Bryan Singer, I don't know. That's all I can think of. My brain tries to rationalise the lameness, maybe it shouldn't. Maybe this was just the best idea they could think of to do with the minimal editing they could effect in the weeks before the finale aired.

I said I liked some things. I like the performances by Olson and Bettany. I liked the apparent reference to Vertigo in the climax with the camera circling the pair while the background changed. The idea of Scotty being obsessed with a dead lover is a little different because in his case she was an actual, living woman. Last night we had confirmation that the Vision in the Hex was a manifestation of Wanda's mind, indeed a kind of masturbation, which I think is a pretty good idea. The fact that she brainwashed a whole community to do it is only a problem if you're devoted to the idea that Wanda is the kind of pristine paragon superheroes are generally considered to be.

That being said, other people on the show digest moral implications really strangely. Monica Rambo (I'm just going with that spelling) completely forgives her, though I don't really see how it's Rambo's place to do so, considering she didn't get it near as bad as the likes of Emma Caufield who was evidently separated from her child by Wanda.

The fight between Wanda and Agatha was kind of neat except it's not clear how Wanda learned how to make those runes--we just know why Agatha told her it's a good thing to know. Wanda asserts the moral high ground by telling Agatha that Agatha committed her crimes on purpose while in Wanda's case it was, at least at first, an action from her subconscious, kind of. I think. What did Agatha do? She killed the witches who were going to burn her at the stake. I guess she did kill Sparky, too. Still, it's all really vague.

Even less clear is why the director of SWORD was arrested at the end. For trying to rescue people from the Hex? For reviving Vision? It seems he made the mistake of simply telling Vision to kill Vision and all Wanda's phantom Vision had to do was say he wasn't the real Vision. So I guess that makes White Vision about as sophisticated as one of Mudd's women.

Well, I'm still looking forward to the Doctor Strange movie, if only because of Sam Raimi. Hopefully management will stay out of his hair.

WandaVision is available on Disney+.

Twitter Sonnet #1449

The pastry chef became a dozen rolls.
A mirror ate the dough and sugar jam.
Excessive toast dismantled heavy souls.
A dryer day delivered fresher ham.
A legend played the roof before the wall.
As bricks repay the flat, the flat implodes.
The curve reminds the bell to rarely call.
A hat above the beard at last explodes.
The empty suit collected letter clouds.
A zombie town's redeemed by purple brew.
The magic's drained for restless, watching crowds.
And things have sucked for witch's captives too.
Like Dragon Mother killed the thronish game,
The theories fail before the mighty lame.

Wanda's Old TV

A somewhat disappointing new WandaVision last night for those hoping for new revelations but kind of an interesting one for those of us who spend too much time thinking about TV and movies.

First we get a brief peek into the backstory of Agatha Harkness (Kathryn Hahn) and I was reminded of how Peter Jackson expressed his dislike for wizards shooting electric bolts from their hands when he decided to make the fight between Gandalf and Saruman more telekinetic. And watching Agatha have an energy bolt fight with the witches who'd condemned her to die I thought, yeah, that is kind of boring. But I guess there wasn't much time to build up atmosphere and mood.

Most of the episode involves Agatha taking Wanda (Elizabeth Olsen) on a tour of her past, including her childhood in the fictional Sokovia when she and her brother were played by typically lousy, weirdly manic American child actors.

I think it may be more of a problem with how they were directed, though. I don't think the director has spent much time watching children.

The family learns English by watching sitcoms. As an English language teacher myself, I couldn't fail to see the artifice in the scene--the fluent ease with which the whole family chats in English about learning English. Watching television is a good way to practice the language you're learning, especially if it's without subtitles, though it's better to use children's television before moving on to something as sophisticated as the fast paced, colloquial dialogue of sitcoms. But I guess that's a technical detail I shouldn't get too nitpicky about.

A more interesting point one may wonder about is whether or not Wanda compulsively turning to mediocre, particularly escapist television to deal with trauma is the reason she has few apparent compunctions about kidnapping a whole community to serve her emotional needs. The end of this episode reveals the reason the local Vision (Paul Bettany) seems to have an ingrained sitcom personality; he was never the real Vision but Wanda's spontaneously created version, a mixture of her impressions of the real Vision and maybe Dick Van Dyke. So when Kat Denning--and the rest of us at home--were adoring the great chemistry between the two, we were actually watching Wanda's masturbatory fantasy, not unlike Mulholland Drive. The show seems generally pro-sitcom, though, so I suspect the final episode will reveal Wanda had somehow recreated the real Vision and the one being resurrected by SWORD with science, sans infinity stone, is a monster. Which is a less interesting, and less humanist, ending, in my opinion. But maybe audiences have stopped feeling sympathy for Frankenstein's monster.

I liked the episode's more complex take on the SWORD director guy (Josh Stamberg) than previous episodes, though. He has a point when he tells Wanda they can't simply put an expensive and dangerous weapon like Vision in the ground just to satisfy her need for a funeral. It wasn't sensitive of him to show her Vision being dismantled without warning but autopsies aren't so strange.

Agatha takes credit for making Pietro not look like the one Wanda remembers. It would be disappointing to learn Evan Peters' casting has nothing to do with the Bryan Singer X-Men universe, hopefully there'll be another twist on that in the final episode.

WandaVision is available on Disney+.

The Office of Wanda

Wigs were at their worst in last night's decent episode of WandaVision. The shift to an Office-style, single camera dramedy came with a lessened fidelity to tone. Also, bad wigs.

Flatter and more natural looking hair is called for which is, I guess, the hardest thing to fake. While Wanda's at home trying, with less success, to pretend everything's okay even as her magic is going haywire, Vision finds himself in a travelling circus where the girl from Thor has been recently brainwashed.

Kat Dennings was already giving a sitcom-ish performance so it seems like there's really no shift when she starts playing a dippy escape artist. Vision starts interrogating her about his past. Are we going to get an explanation as to why Vision was acting like a sitcom character in earlier episodes?

The end of the episode brought another big reveal, though it's one people on the internet had partially predicted, unlike the one with Quicksilver. This all seems to be leading into the Doctor Strange movie now, which is starting to raise my enthusiasm. Not only is Sam Raimi directing the new Doctor Strange, Danny Elfman is doing the score. I'm glad to hear those two have mended fences after Elfman quit in the middle of scoring Raimi's Spider-Man 2. Doctor Strange seems like it would be an even more appropriate project for the two of them, too. If Benedict Cumberbatch dropped the American accent, I'd be anticipating the film whole-heartedly.

Supervising Superhumans

WandaVision returned to something more ordinary last night with a Halloween episode. It was fun seeing the characters in their comic book costumes though that kind of self-referential humour is so old hat at this point I think I would've liked it better if they dressed as witches and goblins. If they wanted to be really funny they'd have dressed Quicksilver as The Flash.

Still no explanation for why it's the Brian Singer-verse Quicksilver instead of the Joss Whedon-verse Quicksilver. He remembers being shot like the Joss Whedon version but maybe that happened to the Bryan Singer version, too, I don't know, I never saw Dark Phoenix. I like how he and Wanda can speak directly about the strangeness they're stuck in but that it's filtered through dopey sitcom dialogue and mugging.

I think it's supposed to be like Malcolm in the Middle this time, I'm not sure.

Outside the force field there's continued drama with the evil white patriarch that's starting to feel even more superfluous. I felt for Vision trying to escape though I think no-one was surprised when it seemed he couldn't survive outside the television world.

I do always enjoy a Halloween episode.

I wonder what the odds are of getting a season finale written by Joss Whedon and directed by Bryan Singer? Maybe in an alternate universe . . .

Twitter Sonnet #1442

Fluorescent waits around adventure's rock.
The time for hair to grow was late at night.
The movie seat contained a golden sock.
Beside it sat a mild, sleepy wight.
The broken bed politely makes itself.
Behind the ears, a vision saw the sound.
As fallen eyes distinguish Henry's health.
The other world decides he mix was round.
The smaller face contained a larger pie.
A bigger cake supports a tiny crab.
To stretch the game, the pawns would baldly lie.
A score of clowns invade the little cab.
Returning dough constructs a circle nut.
The oven door with mitts was firmly shut.

Suspender Suspense

It's nice to see a family so devoted to braces. Last night's new WandaVision was a big improvement over the previous and I find myself becoming genuinely interested in Wanda's mental state.

We actually have a moment where Wanda (Elizabeth Olsen) steps out of the sitcom reality and we see her in her old costume with hair that can't decide if it's red or blonde. The SWORD director guy (Josh Stamberg) has predictably turned into a boring caricature of the patriarchy and starts calling Wanda a terrorist and trying to kill her. Meanwhile, Rambo--I mean Rambeau (Teyonah Parris)--deduces that Wanda's actions indicate a more complex situation. I like the idea that Wanda might be making decisions that she herself doesn't understand and that she doesn't quite know the extent of her own control of the situation.

I'm intrigued by the fact that she doesn't quite know how to dress herself, too. This latest sitcom seems maybe to be an early '90s Full House type--meaning Elizabeth Olsen is finally following in the footsteps of her elder sisters, Mary Kate and Ashley. But that doesn't explain why the aspect ratio is no longer 4:3 and it also doesn't explain her hideous wardrobe.

Sure, that kind of plaid and denim combo is a kind of early '90s monstrosity but those high waisted jeans are a bit of an anachronism, as are the tight fit of both her and Vision's (Paul Bettany) clothes.

Maybe the infiltration of 2020s' fashion is a sign of Wanda's control breaking down?

Of course, the big bombshell was the end of the episode which featured an appearance from Evan Peters as Quicksilver--and not Aaron Taylor-Johnson, who played Quicksilver in Age of Ultron, where the character was introduced alongside Wanda. Evan Peters played Quicksilver in the Fox X-Men films so this is the first sign of how Disney plans to incorporate their new custody of X-Men rights into the MCU. We already knew they were planning to keep Deadpool, a character whose ability to cross intellectual properties seems more or less built in, but now we're getting some idea of how Disney may try to use more characters in that universe. Plenty of people seem to have connected the dots already with the upcoming Spider-Man and Doctor Strange movies--the latter of which features Elizabeth Olsen prominently as Wanda and even contains the word "multiverse" in the title.

Hopefully future episodes will at least maintain this level of writing quality. I see it was the only one so far written by Peter Cameron and Mackenzie Dohr. Given that Jac Schaeffer is the showrunner, we probably can't count on seeing them too many more times. Oh, well.

WandaVision is available on Disney+.

Pay No Attention to the People Behind the Tube

One of the least interesting characters in the MCU seeks the daughter of one of the dumbest characters in last night's lame new episode of WandaVision. The first truly bad episode of the series, it featured the kind of starchy editing and smarmy exposition I associate with Agents of SHIELD, one of the big reasons I stopped watching that show.

Devoid of good performances, the episode begins with Monica Rambeau (Teyonah Parris) waking up in a hospital after the "blip", when half the population "died" for five years. She wonders where her mother is--it's eventually revealed her mother was in hospital for cancer treatment and she died in Monica's absence. From this point on, characters refer to Monica as "Rambeau"--pronounced like "Rambo"--which invariably caused me to picture Sylvester Stallone. Is that my age speaking? Is that brand no longer widely recognised?

I bet Disney thinks this is a nice clever way of creating Monica's brand, giving her this setup on WandaVision. I feel bad for any innocent person who loses their mother but Teyonah Parris, while pretty, lacks any kind of charm or creativity in her performance and her lines are exclusively exposition. She meets up with the current director of SWORD, a beefy blond guy (Josh Stamberg) who smirks sympathetically while explaining the situation to her.

He laments taking over he organisation from the more worthy senior Rambo, I mean Rambeau, commenting that there just wasn't anyone else available. Poor schmuck, no-one cares.

"No-one cares," is a line we get from Darcy Lewis (Kat Dennings), Jane Foster's snarky friend from the first Thor movie who's called in here to investigate the phenomenon trapping people of a small American town within a pixelised perimeter. She asks the other scientists in the car with her for their fields of expertise despite the fact that--as one points out--they're not allowed to talk to each other. They tell her their jobs anyway and when the last guy gives his credential she looks out the window, settling into her snark like a cosy blanket, and says, "No-one cares." Boom! You totally got him, girl, for answering the question you asked! Zing!

She manages to pick up the transmissions of Wanda's (Elisabeth Olsen) and Vision's (Paul Bettany) TV shows. The teams of experts monitor and analyse but for some reason no-one comments on the Hydra commercials.

So, it's bad, but at least it's short, I guess I can tune in next time for Olsen and Bettany. This episode did have one good moment where Olsen briefly glimpsed a creepy dead Vision. Those two do have chemistry.

WandaVision is available on Disney+.

Are Sitcoms Not Real?

The third episode of WandaVision premiered last night and, at a mere 33 minutes, there wasn't much of it. Actually, more like 26 minutes because six minutes were credits. To be fair, two minutes were credits for the voice dub casts for various countries (why am I seeing these?) but why do so many fingers need to be in the pie of something that mostly looks like a sitcom?

That's a lot of resumes being padded, eh? There was a really unconvincing cgi stork in the episode so I'm sure at least five people ought to have legitimately been credited for special effects.

It's a '70s show now and in colour. Slightly less time is spent on the goofy plot about Wanda (Elizabeth Olsen) trying to hide her rapid pregnancy. We get a few hints about alien agency.

People on the internet noticed this symbol represents "SWORD", a government organisation like SHIELD, one that deals with extraterrestrial threats. It's worn by actress Teyonah Parris who, as everyone online seems to already know, is secretly playing Monica Rambeau, daughter of one of the worst characters in Captain Marvel. Wanda seems upset when she realises her sitcom costar isn't what she appears--Vision (Paul Bettany) just seems intrigued when their other neighbours seem fishy. Which makes it seem like Wanda's running this show.

But what's with all the Hydra product commercials then? Maybe Hydra created the simulation and Wanda's hijacked it while SWORD are sending in agents to try to rescue her? Since Vision was apparently killed in Infinity War, maybe the one we're seeing is a reconstruction based in the simulation and that's why Wanda doesn't want to escape. But then what would be the purpose of the simulation in the first place? It looks like it's taking up space on Earth so maybe it's part of some kind of world takeover plan? But why is everyone making their logos so visible, particularly the SWORD agent? Maybe they're reflections of Wanda's subconscious identifying people and things.

Olsen and Bettany continue to have nice chemistry, nice enough I'd like to see more of their characters having some honest interaction instead of the increasingly dopey sitcom routine.

WandaVision is available on Disney+.

Don't You Wonder Sometimes About Sound and Vision?

It's back to the good old MCU with WandaVision, a new series on Disney+ that premiered with two episodes last night. The characters of Wanda and Vision from The Avengers movies are inexplicably placed in a TV sitcom format with teasing hints that evil shenanigans are afoot. Elizabeth Olsen and Paul Bettany reprise their roles from the films and both get a better chance to be sweet and charming than they ever had in the movies. So far the writing isn't very interesting, either as a homage to old sitcoms or as an intriguing Twilight Zone-ish story. But I'm inclined to keep watching for the performances.

I gather we'll be watching the super couple progress through eras of sitcoms one decade at a time. Episode one was a 1950s tale resembling I Love Lucy while episode two looks more like The Dick Van Dyke Show or Bewitched.

The obviously computer animated second opening sequence is one of the ways in which the show fails to surpass films like Pleasantville in terms of capturing the look of a real period TV show. Other problems are more subtle, like the editing or the use of low angle close-ups. Taken as episodes of a sitcom in themselves, they feature typical screwball plots about Wanda and Vision desperately trying to impress people while concealing their magical powers. Series creator Jac Shaeffer concocts gags like Wanda, wearing negligee, sneaking up behind Vision's boss to cover his eyes, mistaking him for her husband. The boss's total lack of resemblance to Vision, and being accompanied by his wife, make the plausibility of the gag too weak, rendering it awkward and weird instead of funny.

But Olsen and Bettany are really good, particularly Bettany who somehow manages to project strength, vulnerability, and goofiness all at once. It's nice to see the two of them settle down on the couch at the end of each episode.

WandaVision is available on Disney+.

Twitter Sonnet #1434

The question turned around the mouth like bone.
The worried edge acquired ragged sheets.
A chorus jams the dead and broken phone.
And something cold and distant softly beats.
The useful sack was never clearly wine.
The perfect power wields a sword of teeth.
Distinguished pets observe divided twine.
A hundred blades construct the grassy wreath.
The candy's soft with microwaving hair.
Behind the sun were promised shades of use.
As dancing ducks abandoned splashy care.
The empty coat would ride the black caboose.
Returning sights romance the magic screen.
Decisions shrank to choose the useful bean.