The Ruling Girls

Now I may as well rank Disney Princesses. For this list, I'm including all main characters from Disney Animated Studios films who are officially recognised as Princesses at some point in their movies. I'm not including characters from Pixar movies (no Merida) or characters who essentially function as Princesses in their films without having the title (no Maid Marian). Disney's own rules for who qualifies as an official Disney Princess don't make much sense to me. Why is Mulan included when she neither has the title in her film nor even behaves in any way suggestive of being a princess? And, yet, Anna and Elsa from Frozen, despite being the daughters of a king and being very popular, are not included in the official Disney roster of princesses. So, nuts to those rules. Here are the real McCoys:

17. Ellonwy

Sorry, Ellonwy. You're poorly written, animated like a possessed wicker doll, and you look too much like Aurora.

16. Moana

Moana is cute but her motivations are as poorly conceived as everything else in her film.

15. Belle

We're told Belle likes adventure and books and these two aspects of her personality don't really drive her character in any way in the film's story. Yes, she's excited to see a library in Beast's castle, but she never calls to mind any piece of knowledge from the books she's read. We don't really see the effect of being well read on her character.

14. Tiger Lily

We don't learn much about Tiger Lily but she's pretty cute.

13. Tiana

I liked Tiana's introduction and her motivations early in the film. Sadly, she's stuck in frog form for most of the story and she doesn't have much chemistry with the prince.

12. Rapunzel

She's beautifully designed and animated. It's hard not to be captivated watching her and her hair move. It almost distracts from her kind of obnoxious personality.

11. Anna

She's a sweetheart and sometimes her dippiness is funny, too.

10. Raya

Here's a princess who really does seem to relish adventure. If her film were better written, she'd be a lot higher on this list.

9. Kida

Disney's first black princess, Kida somehow seems to have become largely forgotten. She doesn't appear until two thirds through her film and she's basically Pocahontas redux but her design is nice and she's well animated.

8. Vanellope von Schweetz

The second Wreck-It Ralph spent a lot of time arguing that Vanellope qualifies as a Disney Princess--and then she didn't become an official Disney Princess. Well, she is in my book. This was a case of a voice actress, Sarah Silverman, being perfectly united with an animated character. No-one else could have done her mixture of sweet and puerile in quite the same way.

7. Aurora

She doesn't get a lot of screen time and only one scene of dialogue but she works brilliantly as a physical presence. "Once Upon a Dream" is also one of the greatest Princess songs.

6. Snow White

A wonder of animation and a convincing sweetheart.

5. Jasmine

She has great chemistry with Aladdin and a sexy outfit. And there's just something about a girl with a tiger, isn't there?

4. Pocahontas

Whenever Glen Keane animated a Princess, you could rely on her being sexy, but he took Pocahontas to another level. The physical sweetness of Pocahontas remains a scandal to this day and, for that, I honour her name.

3. Cinderella

I gained a lot of respect for Cinderella in my recent viewing. No other Princess so pragmatically gets her life in order. She's the Machiavelli of Disney Princesses.

2. Ariel

Glen Keane's masterpiece and the key component of the whole resurrection of the Disney company. The "Part of Your World" sequence is a perfect piece of cinema with animation, design, songwriting, and vocals all getting top marks. And then there's her antics on the beach.

1. Elsa

It's a close call, but I'm giving Elsa the edge. Like Ariel, the first part of her film is by far her best, but, oh, how great that first part is. Beautifully designed with an incomparable performance from Idina Menzel, Elsa's emergence from her family's repression is glorious in a way everyone can identify with, even toddlers, somehow.

Twitter Sonnet #1525

Another list condemns the stone to weight.
A meal was spinning since the 80s' end.
The wiggling worm was more than gummy bait.
A house defined in curves was called a bend.
A Telly builds a row of vacant husks.
A model eye rebounds from candle wax.
A grinning man escaped with missing tusks.
The people clad in green were ever taxed.
As slumber hit the dragon, dawn arose.
Retired clouds were hiding stars of ice.
We told the fairy child tips for pros.
If lessons fade, you have to teach them twice.
A measured step was length and breadth a swim.
The diamond lights began to flicker dim.