Sand of Gor

We've all undergone tests of endurance in our lives, be it long plane flights or the grimy purgatory of a DMV. Last night I faced a test from 1987 called Gor. Based loosely on John Norman's series of notoriously sexist fantasy novels, the film, while sexist, is slightly less so than the source material, not boosting a culture where the rights of women are dependent on the will of men, instead relying on more standard forms of cinematic sexism such as relegating women to one-dimensional, stereotypical roles either dimly lusting for or hectoring the bland male hero.

This is not Outlaw of Gor, the movie featured in a classic episode of Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Outlaw of Gor is a sequel to this film and, sadly, there seems to be no Rifftrax or MST3k episode for it. Why do they waste time riffing on good films like Empire Strikes Back when turkeys like this are so thoroughly deserving of attention? I've spoken to some Gor fans who've told me the first film is better than the second. It must be a pretty fine distinction. Maybe Gor fans just hate Jack Palance's goofy hat in the second film.

This film features poor Oliver Reed in a goofy hat, playing the film's villain, Sarm. I saw recently Al Pacino admitted in an interview to doing bad films with the intension of single-handedly elevating the production with his performance. I wonder how many actors have adopted this strategy. Reed seems to be phoning it in here but his peculiar, whispery intonations are at least more interesting than everyone else in the film.

Well, Rebecca Ferratti as the female lead, Talena, is pretty bodacious and she actually does some decent stunt work, including a leap onto a horse early in the film. Her swordplay is awkward but that's to be expected with limited rehearsal time and swords like these.

But nothing can prepare the viewer for the epic blandness of Urbano Barberini as nerdy professor instantly turned beefcake warrior Tarl Cabot. Talena falls in love with him by the end, I guess. Everything seems so vague in this movie. A dwarf named Hup (Nigel Chipps) begs to join the party at one point, arguing he can get them into Sarm's fortress, but the film completely forgets to give him any kind of motivation for doing this. He seems to be doing it just because it's what new companion characters tend to do at that point in this kind of film. The veneration Cabot receives as a hero warrior feels just as default--everything he manages to do seems to be by luck, as when he accidentally kills Sarm's brother at the beginning of the film, or because his enemy is weirdly sloppy, as when Sarm hands Cabot a branding iron, inexplicably expecting him to use it on Talena.

Sarm started the film wanting to take vengeance for his brother's death but the film completely forgets this motive halfway through, switching to a plot where Sarm is trying to convert Cabot to his side. Why? It just seems to be the done thing.

Gor is available on Amazon Prime.

Twitter Sonnet #1348

An extra step was stayed with helpful glue.
The time it took to test a ticking clock.
We alpha knees were legs we always knew.
We hid the bank inside a giant sock.
In bubble ether flew a plushy mind.
Atop forgotten beds the monsters wait.
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A dreaming day adopts a sleepy gait.
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A dairy built a house of hardened milk.
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Too Many People with Too Many Babies

Arguably, at the root of many of civilisation's problems is that it works too well; the growing population puts a strain on the planet's resources that manifest in pollution, war, and starvation. 1972's Z.P.G. presents the conflict between the attempt to regulate expanding human population and individual, emotional needs. The mania of the film's women played by Geraldine Chaplin and Diane Cilento in their need to bear children is a little over the top but striking in a severely Communist society. A reliably smouldering performance from Oliver Reed is always captivating though it sometimes overwhelms the material.

"Z.F.G." stands for "zero population growth" which the government attempts to effect by forbidding women from giving birth. An oppressive, omnipresent surveillance system in the library and on the streets is augmented by bounties on babies. After husband and wife Russ (Reed) and Carol (Chaplin) have sex, she goes to their bathroom where an automated home-abortion machine is installed. For all this, the obvious question would seem to be why the government doesn't simply sterilise the population or just portions of it. The film avoids addressing this.

Carol finally decides she can no longer endure life without having a child so she skips the abortion machine one evening. She and her husband are forced to pretend separation while she hides in the basement for her pregnancy. Afterwards, caring for the child proves difficult when Russ can't even access information about childcare in the library without law enforcement being alerted. But their worst trouble comes when their neighbours, George (Don Gordon) and Edna (Diane Cilento), learn their secret and want to share childcare duties and are willing to threaten Russ and Carol with exposure to get their way.

This is a nice way of showing how a police state can effect life on more than the obvious level of violence and rules. The psychological effects are complex and nasty in ways it can be hard to predict. And who wouldn't start to go crazy with the creepy animatronic substitute babies women are encouraged to care for? Diane Cilento has two and her wild eyed, furtive manner certainly gains credence in light of the situation.

There's a lot of nice, early 70s future style on display and it's always great watching Oliver Reed just being Oliver Reed. He always seems ready to boil over somehow which compels me to watch him attentively at all times. Z.P.G. is available on The Criterion Channel as part of their new '70s Sci-Fi collection.