Will at a New Low

Last night brought the finale of the Willow series. I was one of the five or six people who watched it. Last week's episode actually got a little interesting, at least there were a couple of creepy moments in an inn and in the weird empty city. But the finale was just the usual empty light show.

The saddest thing is that Warwick Davis was clearly as good as, if not better than, he's ever been. But they had to make him a supporting-supporting character on his own show, seemingly just because they couldn't think of anything for him to do except feel vaguely sorry he's not a more powerful sorcerer and to give Elora Danon pep talks.

Once again, we have a fantasy series from Disney with a heroine who starts out wide-eyed and a little clumsy only to abruptly become a stonecold badass at the end. In this case, it's two characters, Kit and Elora. Kit was promising in the first couple episodes but, after several episodes of just being a cursor, her role in the final episodes is to stand around looking stunned while Jade and Madmartigan's disembodied voice tell her how great she is. Then she's suddenly a great sword fighter for the climax.

Madmartigan's voice, by the way, is provided by Val Kilmer's son, Jack Kilmer, who doesn't really sound like him at all. Jack Kilmer is the son of Val Kilmer and Joanne Whalley, the woman who plays Sorsha, wife of Madmartigan and mother of Kit and Airk. So why the hell Jack Kilmer wasn't cast as Airk, I don't know, especially since Warwick Davis got his own daughter onto the show.

The costumes continue to look terrible. Elora wears a denim-ish jacket that appears to even have zippers. It looks like something from a '90s JC Penney catalogue. There's no explanation as to why her hair changed from blonde to red. One of the supporting characters, Prince Graydon, shaved his van dyke in one episode and in the next episode it randomly appears and disappears from shot to shot. The show's inappropriate use of rock music culminated in the worst choice yet, to use Dire Straits' "Money for Nothing". Unless it was a reference to how much people got paid for this show proportionate to the work they put in. Too many people involved with this show just didn't care.

Willow is available on Disney+.

More Needless Stupidity

Last night's poorly written episode of Willow was written by Hannah Friedman, one of the bad writers from Obi-Wan Kenobi. I'm not sure it was her fault that Rool's daughter was wearing a print t-shirt, though.

Or that there was faux-punk on the soundtrack. I watch shit like this and I think, don't you people ever want to imagine a world unlike your own? Are you really so afraid of the alien?

Needless to say, my endless thirst for mediaeval fantasy is not being sated by this show. Though, again, I like the actors.

I felt bad for Ruby Cruz and Erin Kellyman, watching their makeup scene. When Jade says, "I know your father killed my father . . ." I felt like Kellyman knew the words coming out of her mouth were intensely dumb. Someone had just told her an hour ago that General Kael was her father, now it's not only gospel it's supposed to be the reason these two have been in conflict for the past three episodes? Really, the reason for their beef was only ever vaguely established.

And, boy, is this episode deep in the Everyone Finds Out Everything. Everyone drinks a damned magic truth juice and once again Willow spills his secret that he's not such a great sorcerer. This show is riding on fumes and it doesn't need to. Bob Dolman, writer on the original Willow, who wrote the second episode of this series, has publicly complained about interference from ignorant Disney brass. Willow's not the best movie in the world but I bet Dolman's cooked up some ideas over the past thirty years that are better than this dren.

Anyway, this shitshow is available on Disney+.

Twitter Sonnet #1652

A spider bird extrudes a set of legs.
A feather finger touched the eyes of snow.
A broken wrapper looks like golden eggs.
Above the town, a figure draws a bow.
She took the sunlit room away from them.
She woke and gently brushed her wings.
The peach was warmly cradled, candles dim.
Her stubborn pulse in lonely chambers sings.
The sweaty fighters carried bags of coin.
Her mirror disks await a laser man.
A gang of cats have cooked the tender loin.
Her current tender came from ghosts who ran.
Immobile bones rebound beyond the seam.
A march of figs disturb December's dream.

Will Low

Well. For all its problems, Willow is still better than Rings of Power. I'm still enjoying the cast and their chemistry with each other. I wonder if they're improvising at all. Young and old, the cast are all terrific, playing off each other. There's more going on in the catty dialogue between Willow and Boorman than in the tired plot device about Willow's visions and questionable magical abilities.

It's kind of funny watching this, Angel, and Wednesday--all three shows have a character who's occasionally overcome by a vision to move the plot forward.

The action sequences on Willow are just as bad as the ones on Rings of Power but at least Willow has the excuse of a low budget. But the scene at the beginning of last night's episode was a new low. Heavily edited shots of the actors swinging swords very slowly concludes with Willow using . . . a smoke bomb? It's really unclear. He does something and then there's smoke everywhere and then the bad guys have gotten away with Elora. It's really confusing.

The worst part of the episode was these two ladies Elora runs into in the forest:

I know the show is low budget but good grief. It looks like the costume department just took things off the rack in a Wal-Mart. It's true, the original Willow wasn't a hardcore recreation of mediaeval Europe but most people have a certain instinct for what should fly in a mediaeval fantasy and what shouldn't. This doesn't.

I've since learned the taller one is an actress called Hannah Waddingham, apparently a big Broadway star. That explains why her appearance felt utterly pointless otherwise. Is she wearing denim? It might be a kind of flannel made to look like denim.

Anyway, somehow I still want to see the next episode.

Twitter Sonnet #1648

Returning worms discover warmer dirt.
A pocket clung across the normal hip.
A nerveless wall could yet be badly hurt.
Recalling clouds they float across the dip.
Required fights were ever just the same.
A tired hall was squishy socks combined.
She asked the movie orc to give a name.
Admired horns adorned the maid of Rhein.
The bacon beckons far across the sea.
An ocean pig demurely charted fate.
Behind a veil of smoke, the scene's a C.
The modern shirt I saw was seventh rate.
Construction paper broke the stack of gold.
An open can of worms is never old.

The Magic is Repackaged

I was a huge fan of Willow when I was a kid. It was one of those things I wanted to watch over and over. I loved the soundtrack, the characters, and most of all, it fulfilled my desire for mediaeval fantasy onscreen better than anything else I'd seen at the time, except maybe Excalibur or The Last Unicorn. It was the best live action mediaeval fantasy that someone under the age of 14 could watch. Anyway, this means I was certainly going to tune in for the premiere of the new Disney+ Willow series last night. I wouldn't say, "I was excited for it", life has taught me too many lessons for that. But I'm happy to say I enjoyed it, for the most part.

I was such a Willow fan that I actually read the three books George Lucas and Chris Clairemont wrote as sequels to the original film. They weren't great books, though the tone of the first one is memorable. But after taking so much flack for disregarding George Lucas when making the Star Wars sequel trilogy, it's surprising the Willow series deviated just as much. In this version, the focus is on the children of Madmartigan and Sorsha. Joanne Whalley returns as Sorsha and does a good job but, sadly, Val Kilmer's heath issues prevented him from returning as Madmartigan, everyone's favourite character from the original film. But the tone of this show is frankly so different from the film, it's hard to see where he'd fit in in a satisfying way.

Their daughter, Princess Kit (Ruby Cruz), is a feisty, somewhat annoying young warrior, something that might bother a lot of people, but I know a young Luke Skywalker when I see one. This is the medicine audiences don't like to take but which often makes for some of the most interesting fantasy protagonists. She's also a lesbian and in love with a young, wouldbe knight called Jade, played by Erin Kellyman, whom Disney still apparently really wants to be a star.

I don't imagine this show will do the trick. There's the homophobic factor, particularly tricky waters to navigate in family fare, and her character is basically just stoic and supportive. So far.

The two end up going on a quest with a small fellowship of the Tolkien mould, which I'm definitely always up for. They're off to rescue Kit's brother, a Robert Plant-ish lothario played by Dempsey Bryk, whom I wish had the personal charisma to match the skill of his hairdresser.

They're joined by his chambermaid lover, "Dove", my favourite character so far. She's just the kind of delicate pretty I'd have been looking for in a fantasy movie when I was a kid and she's also got a bit of the Luke Skywalker syndrome. Writer Jonathan Kasdan (son of Lawrence) tries to write George Lucasian bickering amongst the bunch but it usually feels a little forced, sadly. Not a single joke lands. That includes the lines from a character I'd really like to like, the dangerous rogue accompanying them called Boorman (Amar Chadha-Patel).

At the end of the first episode, Willow himself finally shows up, played once again by Warwick Davis.

He's perfect. He feels like the same character after a space of time. His daughter is now played by Davis' real life daughter (there's no explanation so far as to what became of his son and wife), Annabelle Davis, who pours her heart into the role and is great.

Visually, the show is kind of lousy. The lighting and sets look like Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, an odd fit in this age of grandiose and intricately designed fantasy series, and certainly not matching the sense of scope conveyed in the 1988 film. It looks like writers of future episodes are drawn from the same stables of incompetence that ruined Obi-Wan Kenobi and She-Hulk. But, alas, I like the characters and story enough so far I'm sticking with it.

Willow is available on Disney+.

The Unlikely Vampire in the Mirror

It can be liberating meeting your doppelganger, at least it is for Willow in "Doppelgangland", a third season episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Written and directed by Joss Whedon, it's a showcase for Alyson Hannigan who confirms her status as the best actress on the series with this episode.

Evil vampire Willow (Hannigan) was introduced a few episodes back when Cordelia (Charisma Carpenter) was transported to an alternate dimension when she carelessly wished to a vengeance demon that Buffy'd never come to Sunnydale. Now that same demon, Anya (Emma Caufield), trying to regain her powers with the help of Willow Prime, accidentally just brings over Willow Bad.

Willow Prime is especially nerdy in this episode. I like a graceless snort she has when making a dumb joke about how "Buff" is buff. And her outfit looks genuinely out of touch with hip--it's all safe and friendly, contrasting with Willow Bad's leather and cleavage.

The episode doesn't pass up the opportunity to have the two swap wardrobes and Willow Prime comments on her elevated bosom with authentic innocence, "Oh, hey, look at those."

The difference between how Hannigan plays the two really does show her skill. Willow Prime always seems like she's second guessing what she says before, during, and after she says it while Willow Bad is content to level a long glare at Cordelia.

I remember liking this evil Willow much more than the season when Willow Prime actually turned villain. But it was over ten years ago the last time I watched this series, I'm not sure my feelings will be the same.