Sometimes I really wonder about my subconscious choices. I'd just been complaining about how many bad movies I've been coming across and what did I do? I watched 2022's The Seed, a Shudder original movie. This post-deconstructionist, post-irony horror film consciously locks itself into only the most tired '70s and '80s horror movie formulae. It's like a Tarantino or Eli Roth movie without a soul.
Three beautiful young women played by mediocre actresses decide to holiday out in the middle of nowhere, the desert. Each one is more of a type than a character--there's the ruthless bitch, Dee (Lucy Martin), the wishy washy rich girl, Heather (Sophie Vavasseur), and the virtuous Final Girl (Chelsea Edge), Charlotte. Charlotte's the only brunette, the other two are blondes. The paths their characters take in the film are so clear from the beginning they might as well have had synopses printed on their bikinis.
The monster turns out to be an alien that falls from the sky during a meteor shower. It's obviously a hand puppet. The director, Sam Walker, claims to have been influenced by Eraserhead and it does have kind of a Gauze Baby quality. But I'm afraid its face reminded me more of Laserblast, as did the quality of the film generally.
The Seed is available on Shudder.
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The desert wages ate the fam'ly sketch.
The air encircles bats below the ball.
A crying dog denies commands to fetch.
The palace only left the banquet hall.
To leave behind pianos butts the train.
Entire staffs assort the cards for lunch.
Convening stars could crunch the harvest grain.
The cow bananas mooed about a bunch.
A ginger tea replaced the turtle's shell.
A breathing organ changed the lung for keys.
To start the car, the maiden rings a bell.
A falling star awoke the sleeping trees.
For tranquil dreams the bearded man returned.
Van Winkle sought the shade of fate unlearned.
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