Of all the Indiana Jones films, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull feels the most like DuckTales, or Uncle Scrooge Adventures. I watched it for the third time last week, still jonsing for an Indiana Jones film I haven't seen a trillion times. I was in a mood in which I could actually enjoy it, too. If you go in accepting that it aims much, much lower than the previous films, and consider the available option of watching DuckTales instead on Disney+, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull starts to look pretty respectable.
Harrison Ford is clearly having a ball in this movie. In so many films, he's criticised for being Mr. Gruff-and-Grim but he cracks many a grin here. It's fun to see.
I like how knowledgeable he seems. I was reminded of reading a quote from Michael Waldron, the screenwriter on the latest Doctor Strange movie, who said he wanted to write Strange a bit like Indiana Jones but with the intelligence of Anthony Bourdain. Of all the quotes to make you lose confidence in a screenwriter, that's gotta rank pretty high. Indiana Jones, who walks an unknown language through Mayan, who pieces together other obscure clues to track down an old professor, who speaks, what, thirty languages? He's not as smart as a travelling chef? I'm sure Bourdain was a nice guy, but come on. It's also a bit like when people said Bruce Lee would kick Cliff Booth's ass. Like there's a limit for imaginary characters.
Crystal Skull would've been better without Marion. Karen Allen doesn't seem as engaged with the material as Harrison Ford and their arguments are pretty pedestrian compared to what they were arguing about in Raiders. Of course, in this hypersensitive era, people pick apart their initial dialogue to infer that Indy had sex with Marion when she was a minor. Which is possible, though not necessarily true if you listen carefully to what they're actually saying. In any case, it contributes to the impression that, in the first two films, Indy was clearly conceived as a much rougher character than he was in Last Crusade onwards. Crystal Skull Indy is one who's been thoroughly sanitised by the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, which are directly referenced in Crystal Skull. It's ironic, one of the many unresolved conflicts in Crystal Skull is Indy first encouraging Mutt to do what he loves before finding out Mutt is his son, then insisting Mutt go back to school. Dark and dangerous art was good for Spielberg when he was young, but when he makes a movie for the kids to-day, he won't go so far.
In any case, Crystal Skull certainly feels in no way like a final film. It feels like a bonus feature. I suppose another reason is that everyone's an atheist now, or at least Hollywood thinks so, and there's nothing to replace the awe inherent in the religious artefacts of the first three films.
I don't have high hopes for Dial of Destiny, to be honest. I think James Mangold's overrated. Logan was a good movie but it seems to have made people forget he made a string of lousy or average films before that. But I'm open to being surprised.
The Indiana Jones movies are currently available on Disney+.
Twitter Sonnet #1708
The boat was sunk with stacks of sugar sacks.
Required pies were perfect shots of crust.
With wobbly blazers, many pants were slacks.
Admired prows were cheap and saucy busts.
A pot of mussels watched as rain commenced.
Instructive dust disturbed the crystal piece.
They thought their thinking minds could pass the rinse.
But metal chairs detained the handsome niece.
The knowing frogs were singing rapid songs.
With gnawing thirst, the quail deserts a dish.
Ambitious salad rusts its gripping tongs.
Aggressive chickens melt a solid wish.
A crystal thought became a group of guys.
A burger joint retained a million fries.
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