Green Heat

A son derails his father's moral reeducation in 2026's The Super Mario Galaxy. Diminished and humiliated in his minuscule prison, Bowser's pride has been broken by the Mario Brothers. To reclaim his sense of self-worth he must again embrace the fires of hell in this almost entirely humourless, accidental noir.

This is a sequel to The Super Mario Brothers Movie, a poorly written film, the best part of which was Jack Black's Bowser, aka King Koopa, whose "Peaches" musical number made everyone root for the big bad turtle, though many are unwilling to admit it. So the filmmakers this time sought to reorient audience sympathy to where it ought to have been all along, with Mario (Chris Pratt). They try to make up for lost time and establish that Mario, too, has a secret love for Peach (Anna Taylor Joy) who, of course, cannot be shown to bear anything as emotionally weak as romantic affection for man or turtle.

Neither can her long lost sister, Rosalina (Brie Larson), who primarily exhibits maternal care as the mother of a group of star creatures. Bowser Jr. (Benny Safdie) manages to kidnap her, forcing Peach and her servants, the Mario Brothers, to spring into action.

Bowser, physically reduced after being forced to ingest a poison mushroom, is kept imprisoned in a miniature castle where he paints portraits of Peach and vents his impotent fury. He's seen the error of his ways and selflessly presents himself for punishment when a gigantic queen bee wishes to sentence the brothers to hard labour for their crimes. In the course of serving his sentence, he's transported against his will to his son's spacecraft, where he does all in his power to prevent his son from killing Peach and her allies. But they don't see his good will and interpret his actions as only villainous. Meanwhile, his son reminds him of their bond and shared ambitions.

So, manipulated by the forces around him, Bowser, who was never a clever or imaginative turtle, accepts the hand dealt to him and in a scene that mimics the bridge battle from the original Super Mario Brothers, he is punished for fulfilling his destined role with unimaginable physical pain and permanent, total disfigurement.

I laughed one time during the movie, when Toad told Starfox to "Do a barrel roll," a reference to the old internet meme. I didn't know why I found it so funny decades ago, nor can I explain why I find it so funny now.

Sonnet 2009

A street of spinning knives prepared the plane
On ev'ry block, an eye would watch the ink
A paper plate conveyed a senseless brain
Above the jet, a god creates a brink
Between the sky and space, it choked and stalled
A rusted gear rebounds against its wing
A trail of fuel described its spiralled fall
Remorseless earth collects the broken thing
It happened late, a little after nine
In darkness, figures rose about the bird
Some whispered words renounce the false divine
A metal angel burns beneath the word
As dawn arose, it saw no meagre trace
The man's attempt was gone, and all erased