The Christian Bell

I couldn't sleep last night so I lay awake, fantasising again about making a movie starring Christian Bale and Kristen Bell. I know I'm not the first one to note the similarity of their names. Apparently it led to Ice Cube making an embarrassing mistake. But, periodically, I like to imagine a scenario where the two try to capitalise on it.

So last night I imagined a movie where Kristen Bell played a religious aid worker in Ukraine called Belle Christian and Christian Bale played a mercenary with the Wagner group called Bail Krystyan. Belle Christian is a pseudonym, her real name was Christine Biel but she became an internet star as Belle Christian, first promoting herself as ultra religious before cashing in with an Only Fans account. Then, feeling she was losing her way, she decided to take the drastic step of volunteering as a field nurse in Ukraine. Of course, she live streams much of it.

Bail Krystyan grew up in Wales with a Welsh mother and a Polish immigrant father. A rebellious and disaffected youth, he was recruited via message boards into certain military enthusiast circles in eastern Europe leading him to drop out of school and leave the country when he was 17. Eventually he wound up with the Wagner group.

During an intense firefight near an old church, Bail Krystyan and Belle Christian cross paths. It's an oddly quiet moment broken by the fall of the massive. antique church bell. The two find themselves transported in time to the 17th century, during the Polish-Muscovite War. They have a series of adventures in which Bail teaches Belle lessons about pragmatism and physical fitness and she teaches him to be more spiritual and open with his emotions. I'm calling this movie The Christian Bell. If you want to provide funding, please e-mail me.

X Sonnet #1725

Available barrels run to distant homes.
Or how's a choc'late phone to answer guts?
With questions pregnant, April snooped the domes.
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The custom said to marvel new and bold.
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Or fire finished curry pie with mould.
As plumes of mustard drench a sausage sky,
A golden droid arose and 'gan to cry.