The House is Bad, the Hearse is Worse

She moves into a haunted house but what she really has to worry about is The Hearse. This 1980 American film stars Trish Van Devere as a recently divorced woman who moves to a small town where she's hated by the locals and is stalked by a phantom hearse. The campy acting and lighting make the movie a bit silly but it's also kind of cosy.

Joseph Cotten has a small role as her real estate agent. He's one of many locals who make thinly veiled, disparaging remarks about her all the time. The only person in town who doesn't seem to inexplicably hate her is the teenage son of the guy running the hardware store.

He awkwardly asks her out in one scene and she, serenely amused, explains she's too old for him. Trish Van Devere was 39 at the time and I guess actor Donald Petrie at 26 was playing younger than he was. Van Devere is one of those actresses, like Susan Sarandon, who somehow seems to be about thirty years older than her actual age at all times.

The house belonged to her deceased aunt whose diary she finds in an old dresser drawer. It turns out her aunt was a Devil worshiper and that's why everyone hated her.

The whole hearse angle feels oddly crowbarred in and the movie keeps struggling to find pretexts to get Van Devere out of the house and onto the road to be menaced, even though it's obviously the house that's haunted by her aunt. The hearse is driven by a cheesy, moustachioed chauffeur.

Last night I was watching The Cocoanuts and I'm suddenly reminded of the exchange where someone tells Groucho there's a man outside with a black moustache and Groucho says, "Tell him I already have one."

It was nice seeing a movie about a small California town in The Hearse, though, and I enjoyed Joseph Cotten's lively performance. I appreciated the fact that the film seems to have been shot in a real house.

X Sonnet #1724

Concealing dust advanced the Devil's car.
With fuel above the tank, a fire grew.
No house is safe from demons belching tar.
The fire's heat is raging red to blue.
Are different rooms arranged along the hall?
I saw aggressive faces clean the glass.
And what's the candy stuck across the wall?
The talkers broke with laughs about an ass.
Referring ducks account to twenty doves.
But tally tall your yoghurt heart me lads.
Or girls we suit for bells and hopping loves.
While jumpers gleam as frogly laden pads.
Cicada coats impress the seated dames.
And now a tiny ticket shows their names.