For years, the SyFy Channel made a series of intentionally bad movies in imitation of imitations by Tarantino and Rodriguez. I'd never watched any of them until recently when I saw 2005's Attack of the Sabertooth. I have to admit, I enjoyed it.
It's primarily a Jurassic Park knock-off. The main difference is everyone's an asshole. I mean, aside from the low budget and general sleaziness.
The John Hammond analogue is a more typical, tyrannical tycoon (Nicholas Bell) who doesn't want some escaped sabretooths to spoil his party for investors. There are lots of scenes of the security staff trying to deliver bad news to him at the party and him telling them to deal with the problem, "That's what I pay you for!" "I don't care how!" etc.
Our heroes are two of the security people, a lazy rogue called Brian (Brian Wimmer) and his sexy girlfriend, Savannah (Stacy Haiduk). Even after bloody body parts of their coworkers show up, she still wants to slack off for some workplace sex. He's only put off when another coworker, a native to the island, tells him several of her previous boyfriends died mysteriously from her "evil eye". I guess the screenwriters figured Fiji islanders and gypsies are pretty much the same group. He says things like, "My people believe," etc. I kept expecting him to actually use the "We people of the mountain" line from Tod Browning's Dracula.
Added to the mix are a group of frat and sorority pledges who have to break into the park and steal various items. How they got there in the first place or how they even heard of Primal Park is not clearly explained. They get more than they bargained for when pursued by the big cloned cats. As you might expect, the cgi is bad. Actually, it's probably worse than you might expect. Most of the time, the sabrecats are portrayed by physical props, dummy heads and paws. Very occasionally we get a full size cartoon cat who doesn't seem to be part of the same physical reality as anything else.
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