The Machine Wants Your Job, the Rani Wants Your Brain

Yesterday was Kate O'Mara's birthday, to-day is Ron Grainer's birthday, and to-morrow will be John Nathan-Turner's birthday. So it seemed like a good time to watch Mark of the Rani, the 1985 Doctor Who serial produced by John Nathan-Turner, starring Kate O'Mara as The Rani, and with theme music composed, like every episode of Doctor Who, by Ron Grainer. One of the better stories of the Sixth Doctor's notorious tenure, it benefits from museum locations that had worked to recreate the early Industrial Revolution northern England long before Doctor Who showed up. And the rivalrous relationship between the Rani and the Master easily outshines anything the Doctor and Peri are up to.

I like how all the mine workers use "thees" and "thous" like characters from Dickens' Hard Times. It's pretty rare for Doctor Who to pay so much attention to dialect. Half of these workers are zombies, robbed of the ability to sleep and therefore rendered susceptible to hypnotic suggestion by the Rani (O'Mara) whom we first meet masquerading as an old woman running a bathhouse.

Also in town is George Stephenson, the real life 19th century engineer and pioneer of rail transport--here played by Gawn Grainger. The Doctor (Colin Baker) is excited to meet him but is continually waylaid by the Rani's servants, who are taken to be Luddites--since they aren't really Luddites the show sadly sidesteps an issue with great story potential.

But when the Master (Anthony Ainley) turns up, his first appearance in the Sixth Doctor era, he and the Rani have a wicked snootiness competition that nicely dominates the serial. We learn that the Rani, a Time Lady, has been expelled from Gallifrey partially for being a Mengele-ish, psychopathic experimental scientist, and partially for creating a mutant mouse that attempted to eat the Lord President's cat. O'Mara's performance, as she matches Ainley arched eyebrow for arched eyebrow, remains effective even in the second episode's climax where her plan is to turn people into trees using special land mines.

When one of these new trees grabs Peri (Nicola Bryant) I half expected it to say, "How'd you like it if someone picked an apple off of you!?" It's not the most convincing tree costume I've ever seen, I must say.

This may be the most conservative costume Peri ever wears though why she's wearing it isn't quite explained. I think there's some mention of how the TARDIS was supposed to materialise in the 16th century but I'm not sure that blouse belongs in any time period except maybe in a waffle house in the 80s.

The Birth of Colour

It was Colin Baker's birthday yesterday so I watched The Ultimate Foe, his final serial as the Doctor. Perhaps more interesting for the behind the scenes drama, it certainly doesn't feel like a final episode for an incarnation of the Doctor, and Colin Baker infamously refused to return for the regeneration scene of the following serial. But as much as The Ultimate Foe really is an ultimate mess, there are elements I really like about it.

Depending on how it's packaged, you might also encounter this two part serial as the last two parts of a fourteen part serial called The Trial of a Time Lord, and it does close-off a season long story arc about the Doctor being on trial on a Time Lord space station. His prosecutor is the mysterious Valeyard (Michael Jayston), who is revealed in Part 1 of The Ultimate Foe to be a future incarnation of the Doctor, from some time between his Twelfth and final incarnation.

Considering Time Lords are supposed to be able to regenerate only twelve times, it's a good thing the Eleventh Doctor was given more regenerations. Now this choice of words makes more sense—they're spoken by the Master (Anthony Ainley), by the way, who appears suddenly on the courtroom viewscreen as a surprising voice in the Doctor's defence.

And here's another thing in classic Who made better by modern Who. The Master's incarnation as Missy makes sense out of all the old pointlessly complicated machinations of the Master. Really, it makes no sense for the Master to reduce the Doctor to a catatonic state in order to trick the Valeyard so that one day the Master has the pleasure of killing the Doctor himself. It makes much more sense that this is some kind of long, ongoing flirtation.

The three way struggle between the Master, the Valeyard, and the Doctor which occurs in the Matrix--a computer simulated world that holds the archive of the Time Lords--seems to be set in the grimy back alleys of Victorian London. Robert Holmes' original script apparently included a subplot about Jack the Ripper. Holmes died before he was able to complete the second episode script and John Nathan-Turner, script editor at the time, apparently was not abashed by circumstances enough to refrain from editing out significant portions of the late writer's script. This despite Holmes being regarded one of the best writers in the series' history, going back to the Second Doctor era. But it sounds like the air of panic surrounding the show's failing ratings at the time prompted aggressive bureaucracy. Which may be why the second episode, ultimately written by Pip and Jane Baker, spends so much time ragging on bureaucracy.

The Doctor and his reluctant ally Glitz (Tony Selby), in attempting to meet with someone who is presumably the Valeyard, are continually frustrated by a series of identical Dickensian clerks named Popplewick (Geoffrey Hughes). Glitz, by the way, is one of the best things to come out of the Sixth Doctor era, and I love how the Doctor decides he's the perfect person to pull along with him into the Matrix. An intergalactic burglar introduced at the beginning of the season in another story by Robert Holmes, Glitz would later appear again in the Seventh Doctor era. Selby's performance is a delight--he would've been a much better companion than Mel (Bonnie Langford). When she inexplicably turned up in the courtroom and trumpeted her own trustworthiness in the flat tone of a five year old at a spelling bee, even now I automatically thought, "Really? This is really going to be a companion?" I didn't feel satisfied until I learned later that Langford was already well known for being on another series before Doctor Who. That explained a lot. I do still like the confusing way Mel is introduced, though. I'm still not sure how much of it was intended by the writers or just a result of the general chaos behind the scenes--how the Doctor first sees her in footage from his future in Terror of the Vervoids and then meets up with her in The Ultimate Foe at a point in her timeline after she's met him.

As for the birthday boy himself--what else can I say about Colin Baker? I do like the bit where he pretends to submit to his fate when the court seems to find him guilty of genocide. It's one of those moments where the Doctor really demonstrates his cleverness and Baker pulls it off.

Smorgasbord of the Doctor

There are a lot of reasons The Two Doctors is significant for Doctor Who canon, but the three parter doesn't really get to the meat, so to speak, of the story until the third episode. This is where writer Robert Holmes really leaned into trying to convince the audience to go vegetarian while convincing the Doctor in the process. I doubt he actually converted many, if any, viewers but the attempt is entertainingly grotesque.

This is the first time two incarnations of the Doctor, Six (Colin Baker) and Two (Patrick Troughton) met without it being an anniversary episode and it's the first time the show shot on location in Spain. Like City of Death and Arc of Infinity (shot in Paris and Amsterdam, respectively), The Two Doctors makes use of the beautiful scenery. Which is always really refreshing for a show typically shot on cheap plywood sets.

I wonder what the locals made of this trio. Colin Baker was coaxed out of his coat by the incredible heat in Seville and Jamie's (Frazer Hines) removed a black coat that had initially accompanied this costume. I rather wish Jamie had actually dressed like that all the time during his original tenure on the show. He almost looks like the character he inspired on Outlander.

Meanwhile, Peri (Nicola Bryant), of course, was already showing plenty of skin. The Sixth Doctor's companion for most of his run, Peri is notorious for being weakly performed and written, her character concept apparently being primarily about her physical beauty. But, yeah, she's a knock out. Those gams . . .

And Robert Holmes was eager to use every asset to push his message. The second episode cliffhanger is Peri being straddled by Shockeye (John Stratton) with a point of view shot from her of him leering down at her with grasping hands saying, "Pretty, pretty." It looks like he's about to rape her and that's likely the intended impression. But, no, of course he simply wants to chop her up, cook her and eat her. The strategy here is to transfer the horror of one crime to another and maybe also for the young viewer, lusting after Peri, to be horrified at what a colossally ugly waste it would be for her to be slaughtered beyond recognition.

Later, Jamie, the Second Doctor's companion, receives a similar threat as Shockeye is busy "tenderising" the meat unconscious on the table. Also in Holmes' arsenal are scenes of Shockeye and Two arm in arm like a couple Mr. Hydes on the town in top hats, eager to sample all kinds of cuisine.

Of course, if this kind of thing really turned people into vegetarians, no-one who's ever seen Cannibal Holocaust would think of touching meat again. Activist vegetarians so often think that meat eaters haven't made the connexion mentally between the food on their plate and the happy little calf bounding about in the field but that's not true. People are quite conscious of compartmentalising and they have no qualms about it, some even relish in it (again, see Cannibal Holocaust. Or rather, don't). Even as a vegetarian myself, I can't help but laugh watching Two and Shockeye grinning at the waiter and the waiter misunderstanding when Shockeye asks, "Do you serve humans?"

The serial also features Jacqueline Pearce as the chief villain, an Androgam like Shockeye, but one who's been genetically altered to stabilise her appetite. Despite his apparent disgust for Androgams, the Second Doctor very amusingly points out how stupid it is to go to the trouble of modifying one species to behave like another.

Six does not benefit from being placed beside Two, of course. It's hard to say exactly what it is but somehow when Two says, "Come along, Peri," it's with infinitely more gentle understanding, even if Two, like all the Doctors, is supposed to be a bit self absorbed. Something about Colin Baker's performance is just so tinny and disconnected in a way that's difficult to describe.

Twitter Sonnet #1143

The cutlery across the kitchen moved.
Accord asserted by the forks awoke.
As nothing filled the spoon could prove.
A story cut is not in full revoked.
Continued stars inflame the worlds below.
A watch the size of pockets ticked apace.
A row of silent daisies think, "Hello."
An army brought an ant for just in case.
A cycle starts again but in a car.
An amber motor's gone without a sound.
Elab'rate hats adorn the taller tsar.
His cap was set too high to see the ground.
The hedges hid an empty plot of grass.
A cloud of wasps became a pretty mass.

Return of the Dog

There's always a chance the oppressed will become the oppressors. The Soviets would've done well to remember that when they sent dogs into space in the 2013 Doctor Who audio play 1963: The Space Race. This slightly more amusing, more Cold War oriented, version of Planet of the Apes concept is also one of the gorier audio plays, making it perhaps appropriate that it is a Sixth Doctor story.

The Space Race is based on the true story of Laika, the stray dog sent by the Soviets to space in 1957. The real Laika died in the rocket but in this audio she returns six years later having somehow gained the power of speech and human intelligence. Voiced by Samantha Beart, she's at first mistaken for a missing cosmonaut by the Doctor (Colin Baker) and the staff of the Soviet space programme when they hear her voice transmitting from a rocket that had been stuck on the dark side of the moon. Laika only seems to want water and freedom until Peri (Nicola Bryant) helps her at which point Laika's motives become decidedly less sympathetic.

But, perhaps in reference to the Cold War setting, the Doctor and Peri are never quite sure who to trust. They themselves are posing as spies posing as scientists, an extra layer of subterfuge added to the Power of the Daleks concept. But the bloody and inhumane methods apparently involved in giving animals the ability to talk ethically simplifies things quite a bit.

The Six Doctor's run on television was distinguished by some exceptionally grim stories, most notably the proto-Hunger Games story Vengeance On Varos. Though Six is also an appropriate Doctor for this story because it was in the Sixth and Second Doctor story, The Two Doctors, where the Doctor became a vegetarian courtesy of writer Robert Holmes (who was himself a vegetarian). The Ninth Doctor would later be seen eating meat in the television story "Boom Town"; there's apparently no canon account of when or why the Doctor decided to start eating meat again (though apparently there was a Sixth Doctor comic that addressed the subject). The events of The Two Doctors are never mentioned in Space Race though vegetarianism does come up, understandably. Though, considering how much meat winds up being involved in this story, I'm not sure Robert Holmes would approve.

The writer of The Space Race, Jonathan Morris, has a lot of fun turning the rhetoric of uprising and revolution against the Soviets as Laika begins to organise her comrades. There's a minor romance subplot between Peri and a Soviet military sergeant (Stuart Denman) that reminded me of the flirtation between Ace and the Soviet officer in Curse of Fenric. It was an interesting contrast between how the Soviets were portrayed on Doctor Who in the 80s and how they were portrayed in 2013. The Eleventh Doctor story "Cold War" aired that same year but in the general rush of the one hour episode there's not as much time for conceptual contemplation. The Curse of Fenric, like The Happiness Patrol, might have been part of a general anti-Margaret Thatcher feeling in expressing sympathy for Communists. But it always struck me more as part of a recurring message in fiction of the 80s--not unlike Star Trek VI--to promote the idea of the shared humanity (or let's say sentience) between the parties of opposing sides. I might have liked a little more of that in The Space Race but it's an enjoyable audio play.

Another Hazardous Seed

The Sixth Doctor and his companion Mel encounter the violent aftereffects of an abruptly halted war in the 2013 audio play The Seeds of War. Not to be confused with the television stories The Seeds of Doom or The Seeds of Death. There are no literal seeds involved this time but some kind of telepathic entity called The Eminence inciting people to violence. It's not a bad audio, not remarkable, but pretty solid.

Once again the Doctor (Colin Baker) has ended up at the place he intended but 80 years after the date he intended. The nice outing he'd planned for himself and Mel (Bonnie Langford) instead turns into a confrontation in a war zone where incredulous military personnel have trouble believing the Doctor and Mel know nothing of the factions involved.

Mel is pretty inconspicuous in this one except for an amusing reference in the climax to her fondness for carrot juice. But there's not a lot of levity in this one, in fact it's fairly grim. In one moment I liked, Mel tells someone whose father is dying, "If anyone help, it's the Doctor," and the Doctor irritably interrupts with, "Stop making promises on my behalf!" abruptly breaking up the almost deification of the Doctor that sometimes happens in these stories. This one certainly gives an impression of stakes which makes the ending a great deal more satisfying. Six is kind of known for being involved in some particularly grim stories in his television run but this older audio Six is portrayed as more sombre, subtly altering the tone of the story, in this case for the better.

A Travel Society

The Sixth Doctor and his companion, Mel, get trapped in an ancient spaceport in the 2013 audio play Spaceport Fear, a decent story with a fun concept. The two encounter a culture that sounds like it was descended from modern day air travel commuters--tribes are separated into "Business" and "Economy" classes; their guide is a young woman who describes her childhood as a time when she was "carry-on".

There's a generally tongue-in-cheek quality to the story but it's not a total parody like the 2001 Six/Mel audio The One Doctor. Mostly it's a fairly straight-forward story about the Doctor (Colin Baker) and Mel (Bonnie Langford) trying to help Economy Class in their struggles against Business, a concept with a broad allegorical quality that thankfully never takes itself too seriously. On seeing the Sixth Doctor's infamous patchwork coat one character from Economy sympathetically says that her people often have to make clothes in the dark, too. Later in the story there's a segment set in total darkness, always a handy device for audio plays because characters are forced to describe everything to each other.

There's also some nice business in this one about the Sixth Doctor having awareness of computer technology from the 21st century, referring to Wi-Fi, smart phones, and tablets, while Mel, a computer expert from the 80s, talks about her knowledge of FORTRAN. An amusing bit involves the Doctor and Mel sending messages to each other via high scores in a Tetris-like video game.