The Man in Black and the Man in Brown

Johnny Cash guest-starred in one of the best episodes of Columbo I've seen, 1974's "Swan Song". He plays a gospel singer who murders his domineering wife played by Ida Lupino. I kind of wish there'd been more and juicier scenes between those two but, like most of the show's murder victims, she's not around for long. Cash is the central attraction, though, for his less professionally honed but fascinatingly raw performance.

Really, it overwhelms this typical Columbo plot so much that I suspect the writers, conscious of their inadequacy, made the story as simple as possible and let the performances suggest nuance all by themselves. A lot of the episode feels improvised, particularly a couple of odd scenes where Columbo (Peter Falk) interviews witnesses who ramble on about unrelated matters, not unlike the way Columbo himself usually does. He's amused when a funeral director insists on giving him an unsolicited sales pitch but seems more exasperated when a seamstress won't stop babbling about the prudence of ordering extra bolts of nylon.

Cash plays Tommy Brown, a gospel singer apparently famous for singing songs much more upbeat and religious than Cash was known for. Lupino's character is blackmailing him into giving all his profits to her church. She knows about his habit of sleeping with underage girls and has one of said girls ready to testify if need be. So Tommy kills them both by drugging them in his private plane--which he also pilots--and bailing out before it crashes into a mountain. In a couple days, he's already giving private, poolside concerts for bikini babes.

An odd scene for Johnny Cash, to be sure. Yet he is kind of playing himself and the episode is oddly sympathetic to him. I feel like he improvised a lot, too--something about the way he keeps calling Columbo "Columbo" instead of "lieutenant". Cash himself, of course, was known for his sympathy with criminals and it comes through in the vulnerable fury he gives vent to between bitter laughs. Columbo seems stunned half the time watching him.

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The Detective, the Dog, and the Robot

I was excited when I learned "Mind Over Mayhem", a 1974 episode of Columbo, featured Jose Ferrer as the killer. I hoped this would be one of the more serious, dramatic episodes that would make good use of the legendary actor.

Or, well, have him use Robbie the Robot in the murder. I guess that works, too. Ferrer really isn't challenged as a performer here but he always comes up with effective ways to deliver lines about how he doesn't know how his colleague's body got moved from the driveway to his living room, or how the burglars recognised the heroin they stole when it was labelled only with the chemical formula.

Ferrer is in charge of a think tank that runs sophisticated war games with cutting edge 1970s technology, which naturally also includes the robot from Forbidden Planet. The episode also features a kid genius named "Spelberg" (apparently an homage to Steven) and Columbo's dog. It's that kind of story. It's fun.

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Mike Hammer Doesn't Meet Columbo

Mickey Spillane guest starred as a victim in the 1974 Columbo episode "Publish or Perish". Like most victims on the show, he's not around for long, not like his starring role in The Girl Hunters more than a decade earlier. He didn't quit his day job as a pulp writer, which is probably for the best. He more or less comes off well playing a pulp writer on Columbo. Not writing detective stuff, as Spillane did in real life, but Vietnam war stuff.

The villains are two--a publisher (Jack Cassidy) and the explosives nut (John Chandler) he hires to kill Spillane. Chandler gives an effective, over the top performance, almost on the level of Frank Gorshin--he seems like a real maniac. He does the job for Cassidy in the hopes Cassidy will publish the book he's written on homemade bombs.

Cassidy is more of a deliciously cheesy '70s TV villain. Columbo's tactic for outsmarting him is clever and pretty satisfying for anyone who likes to analyse writing.

The Ever Culpable Robert Culp

You'd think Robert Culp would have learned not to tangle with Columbo but one year after he first played a murderer on the show he played another one in an episode appropriately called "Double Exposure". He is pretty perfect as an adversary for Columbo. He smoothly transitions from comfortably smug to bitterly exasperated.

This time he plays some kind of advertising guru who kills a client during the screening of a commercial. Columbo (Peter Falk), as usual, goes overboard in praising the prime suspect, even checking out books from the library Culp's character wrote. The two have nice chemistry.

Two other notable scenes feature a projectionist letting Columbo in on a few tricks of his trade and Columbo wandering around the supermarket. Both are nice little slices of that vanished world of 1970s America.

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The Not So Sweet Smell . . . of Murder

Vera Miles, Martin Sheen, and Vincent Price are in the impressive guest cast for 1973's third season premiere of Columbo. "Lovely but Lethal" has some things in common with the previous season's "Requiem for a Fallen Star", especially in that Columbo seems really star struck by the murderess. In this case, though, it's only because his wife is so into her beauty products and he sees Miles' face every time he uses the bathroom at home. She doesn't quite seem to know if she should be flattered when he mentions this.

Vera Miles gives a much better performance than Anne Baxter and even when she tips her hand, proudly telling Columbo (Peter Falk) that she can't be the killer because she's a redhead and the killer wrote a message in black eyebrow pencil, she still makes her mania subtle enough you can believe she'd fool a lesser detective. Sadly, she doesn't have much screentime with Vincent Price who turns in a reliably creative performance as a rival perfume manufacturer.

Young Martin Sheen, three years away from romancing Ava Gardner in The Cassandra Crossing, here already shows a predilection for older actresses and wants to extort sex as well as money from Miles. This is one of those cases where it's difficult to see the killer as a straight forward villain. It would be nice if the episode developed this a little more.

But in any case it's entertaining watching Columbo try to stay on Miles' trail while following her around a weight loss spa resort.

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Landing Landau(s)

The only thing more dangerous than Martin Landau is a pair of Martin Landaus. But their opponent is Lieutenant Columbo in the 1973 episode "Double Shock", an episode that also features Paul Stewart, Jeanette Nolan, and Julie Newmar.

Newmar's pretty scrumptious, too, playing the fiancée of murder victim Paul Stewart. She's overenthusiastic and her performance is as wonderfully campy as you might expect from the former Catwoman. She's a welcome spectacle but Landau provides something a bit stronger in two roles as the twin brothers implicated in the murder.

Which one of them did the deed, though? Like many murderers on Columbo, they stood to inherit a lot of money. Landau is amazing at subtly differentiating the two between a gregarious TV host and a repressed banker with a gambling addiction.

There's also small but very rewarding plot garnish between Columbo and the murder victim's housekeeper played by Jeanette Nolan. Peter Falk shows up masterfully again playing a man heavily sleep deprived. As his cigar drops ashes on the crime scene, the victim's exercise room, Nolan quite justifiably is enraged by the disrespect. I was so happy for a scene like this to show that Columbo's untidiness is not a quirk without consequences. Though, of course, it indirectly leads to his discovering a clue.

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Substitute Pieces

For anyone who plays chess, "The Most Dangerous Match", the 1973 episode of Columbo, holds plenty of points of interest. The writers clearly had more than casual knowledge of chess and the competitive chess world, drawing together a plot about rival grandmasters that feels credible, as far as their personalities, and satisfying, in terms of the murder motive.

Laurence Harvey, father of the bounty hunter Domino, plays grandmaster Emmett Clayton who happens to have a personal connexion to his opponent, Tomlin Dudek (Jack Kruschen), having once been in a relationship with Dudek's assistant (Heidi Bruhl).

She takes delight in the idea of Dudek beating Clayton in the only thing he cares about. The two grandmasters end up having dinner together along with an impromptu game using food and cutlery. When Clayton loses, the buildup makes it very clear just how badly it cuts his pride and sense of identity. His desire to not only murder Dudek but to make the death as humiliating as possible for him makes perfect sense to any serious player who's had a losing streak.

But in that kind of chess, no grandmaster can compare with Columbo (Peter Falk). Falk's great, of course, putting the screws into Harvey and Harvey, who died that same year, is pretty good, never playing it as an over the top maniac, just as a terribly sensitive man.

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Murder Most Illogical

It's Columbo verses Spock in "A Stitch in Crime", a 1973 episode of Columbo. Well, Leonard Nimoy, anyway, two years before his I am Not Spock autobiography. In 1973 he was still playing Spock in animated form but the murderous surgeon he plays here is indeed pretty far from the Vulcan science officer. It's a good episode though more for Peter Falk than Nimoy.

An especially dishevelled Columbo shows up to the crime scene with a hard boiled egg, asking if there's any coffee. He explains to suspects and witnesses throughout the episode how he hasn't had much sleep. The effect is sort of like Super Columbo, it's pretty charming, especially when he loses his temper at Nimoy who seems to outright taunt him at one point.

Anne Francis, who'd appeared in the season one episode "Short Fuse", returns as a different character, the murder victim who spots Nimoy's attempt kill another victim by using temporary suture instead of permanent suture in a heart surgery. Pretty clever, really.

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All About Anne Baxter

What goes around comes around on Columbo, sort of. The 1973 episode, "Requiem for a Fallen Star", features Anne Baxter as the famous movie siren in decline, essentially the opposite of the rising young star she played in All About Eve. It's a fun episode, even if Baxter is a bit of a ham in it. Peter Falk still manages to squeeze some genuine sweetness from the story as the fan who truly didn't want to believe one of his favourite stars could be a murderer.

Just like her character in All About Eve, Baxter's involved with the cynical, razor wit movie critic, though in this case he's played by Mel Ferrer instead of George Sanders. Ferrer's neither as witty nor as charming as Sanders, though. Sanders, even when he was playing a complete bastard, had a subtle undercurrent of melancholy warmth to him. Mel's okay but he's no Jose or Miguel.

We could still think of this episode as secretly featuring Baxter in the same role she played in the great movie with Bette Davis, though. It's easy to assume she'd end up in a poisonous relationship with another critic twenty years down the line.

It's another episode with a great cast sauntering about mansions and cafes before the dishevelled detective shuffles in and spoils it all. Also featured are Kevin McCarthy and All About Eve costume designer Edith Head.

Columbo is available on Amazon Prime.

When Columbo Fought Cassavetes

John Cassavetes seems an odd fit for a Columbo episode but he makes for a good one. It's not surprising considering Cassavetes directed Peter Falk in several films. The two must have got on very well and certainly they have a fascinating chemistry as actors in this episode, "Etude in Black", which was directed by Nicholas Colasanto (who played Coach on Cheers).

Also somewhat out of place is Blythe Danner as Cassavetes' wife. I would not want to try eating natto with hair like that.

Usually the guest cast includes older movie stars or C list actors from the 60s. The former is represented here by Myrna Loy in a very small role but Cassavetes, as murderer and maestro, dominates the episode with an angry, maniacal performance.

He murders his beautiful pianist lover so that his wife doesn't find out. Unfortunately for him, Columbo is hot on his trail. The detective's technique for getting under the skin of suspects with impertinent rambling is particularly good here. Several scenes start with him doing something slightly strange that later turns out to be legitimately important. Like one scene where Cassavetes shows up at his mechanic's to find Columbo playing around in his car.

Turns out Columbo was checking the mileage to figure out that the car had travelled the distance to the victim's home and back on the night of the murder.

Cassavetes' character all but froths at the mouth. There are a few genuinely unnerving moments where he gets angry and you think he might kill someone else without premeditation. He dresses really well, though. I really want these red boots:

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That Wily Roddy McDowall

Still watching Columbo. I notice Steven Bochco's name on teleplays a lot but the episodes without him seem to be a bit better. I'm not sure if it's the writing or the performances or a magical combination but my favourite season one episode was "Short Fuse" with a teleplay by Jackson Gillis and a story by Gillis along with Lester Pine and Tina Pine. It has one of the best guest cast rosters including Ida Lupino and Anne Francis--but Roddy McDowall steals the show.

Normally I find McDowall a bit over the top, particularly in Fright Night. But "Short Fuse" actually makes use of this as he plays a genius killer whose strategy includes flagrantly indulging in behaviour that should give him away, deliberately leading Columbo in directions that point to his guilt.

In danger of losing his inheritance, a profitable chemical company, McDowall offs the uncle who doesn't like him. He weaves a complicated web including the boss's secretary (Francis) and wife (Lupino), using both to create a plausible alternate scenario implicating his co-conspirator and Francis. So McDowall is one of the few suspects who never ever gets flustered by Columbo's slow burn, roundabout interrogations.

Yes, he did know about the cigars that may have exploded in the car that killed his uncle. Yes, he was in a position to tamper with them. Yes, there was bad blood and a history of resentment. But a little detail here and there and Ida Lupino is ready to defend him to the death. The guy carries off his plan with such panache I didn't think there was a plausible way Columbo could trap him--but then he did in a great scene in a sky lift.

Columbo is available on Amazon Prime with commercials.

Twitter Sonnet #1354

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A Rumpled Coat and a Keen Nose

I'm five episodes in on the first season of Columbo and already the great detective's methods are getting to seem more uncanny than anything. I just finished "Lady in Waiting" last night, from December, 1971, written by Steven Bochco. Bochco at least goes to the trouble of making the villain played by Susan Clark rather sloppy.

I love how we get footage of how she imagines the crime will go--her victim, her brother, coming up to their mansion, finding his key is missing, and then coming in through her glass door so she can "accidentally" shoot him under the pretence of thinking he's a burglar. It all goes wrong when it turns out he has a spare key hidden in the floor pot. Even so, Columbo (Peter Falk) solves the crime with pretty tremendous inferences about grass stains on shoes and a late edition of the newspaper sitting on the table by the door.

It's no wonder he turns out to be an angel in Wings of Desire. I mean, it's fortunate Peter Falk's weird charm makes Steven Bochco's writing seem magical instead of corny. Never underestimate a man with a dead eye. Peter Falk sure would've been a great Odin.

Some of it's carefully contrived, of course. I'm on the fence over whether I like how he buttons only the bottom button of his suit jacket. On a three button jacket like that you're supposed to only button the middle one. Wearing it like this once or twice makes him seem like he dressed in a rush or in distraction but every episode is a bit much. I love the earth tones and the green tie, though, and it's great how his dusty old brown car perfectly goes with his ensemble.

Every episode seems to have a special guest star, the best so far being Ray Milland in "Death Lends a Hand" and Suzanne Pleshette in "Dead Weight", the former giving the silly story an improbable sense of gravity and the latter just as delightfully doing the opposite alongside a murderer played by Eddie Albert.

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From Page to Screen

After two pilot episodes in which, particularly the first one, the action was often confined to sound stages, the first regular episode of Columbo, "Murder by the Book", gets a massive upgrade with director Steven Spielberg at the helm. The 1971 episode comes long before he became an established name as a feature film director but the episode greatly benefits from Spielberg's talent for dynamic visuals already in ample evidence.

An early shot establishes the murder victim (Martin Milner) working in his high rise office before the camera tracks out through a window to show the murderer (Jack Cassidy) arriving far below. No cardboard sky backdrop for Mr. Spielberg.

The teleplay by Steven Bochco concerns two writing partners who have created a series of murder mystery books together with a female protagonist somewhat like Miss Marple. The almost immediately coy and adversarial relationship between Cassidy and Columbo (Peter Falk) has the murderer condescendingly giving our hero a stack of books to learn how it's done. And Columbo, of course, is never put off balance, happily reading all of them and gushing like a fan boy next time he sees Cassidy.

Columbo's introduction in the episode is subdued--as usual, he appears separate from the other cops in a strangely mundane circumstance, in this case by a water cooler to meet the victim's wife (Barbara Colby). The contrast with the smug and bitter Cassidy is great. In these first three episodes, the relationship between detective and murderer doesn't usually seem to be about what the two are doing to each other now, trying to break each other down now, as watching both see how well they've lain the groundwork for their plans to execute themselves. It's like watching two inventors stand back while their robots fight each other.

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