Setsuled's Journal

Well now.

I looks to my left . . . no one. I looks to my right . . . no one.

Okay. I think it's safe.

I don't mind telling you, now that we're a little more intimate, that I'm feeling heartbroken right now. Ain't I a stinker?

If you were (un)lucky enough to read my blog between 4am and 8am on Thursday, you would have seen a rather nasty post that I deleted when I woke up at 8 because it made me feel sick to look at it. I lashed out at people I know, and people I don't know. I was angry. When I awoke, I was ashamed and tired of listening to myself bitch.

The unfortunate thing is, I have reason to bitch. It's just that my malaise tends to be rather annoying for everyone.

I've failed someone, you see. I was not there for her. Boo hoo, right? Cry me a river . . . I'm thinking I would like to be one of the Berserks. Except it would be so passe, no?

I'm dying here. No I'm not. Yes I am. No I'm not. I can't decide.

Bottom line: Don't get mixed up with me folks. I'm stupid, and I cry a lot. If that's what you want, I suppose you're better off with that big guy from Goonies.

I wonder if things are reparable? I wonder if even a golden ticket for Willy Wonka's factory would help at this point.

On the positive side, I did get a lot of writing done on Thursday. Seems like that's the only thing that's full-proof . . . I go all crazy otherwise. Guess I really am a writer.

Speaking of, I did a new page of Doll Merchant.

Now I'm gonna try to sleep. As I mentioned, I only got four hours of sleep on Wednesday/Thursday. But somehow I think guilt is going to keep me awake. And just plain old sorrow.

"Well I get up in the morning and I'm looking in the mirror to see, ooo wee!
Then I'm lying in the darkness and I know I can't get to sleep, ooo wee!

Nobody loves you when you're old and grey
Nobody needs you when you're upside down
Everybody's hollerin' 'bout their own birthday
Everybody loves you when you're six foot in the ground " -John Lennon "Noboby Loves You (When You're Down and Out)"