Tuesday, April 09, 2013

The Slow, Enlarged Demise

I had two dreams last night I might classify as "nerdmares". In the first, a young woman, the last survivor of a space station's crew, was bearing a Queen Alien like Ripley in Alien 3. The Alien who impregnated her refrained from killing her for that reason, and the two of them, in my dream, were sitting together killing time in a room on the station. The woman asked the alien if it understood English, to which it nodded, though it was anatomically incapable of speech. The woman gradually learned that the alien, in its effort to infiltrate the station, had hacked into the computers and had read through all the personnel files. It had even read personal correspondences between the crew and loved ones back home. "What did you make of those?" the woman asked. Of course the alien couldn't reply except to nod or shake its head, so the woman said, "I suppose you thought they were pretty boring." The alien hesitated and then nodded.

In my second dream, Harrison Ford was hosting a long, old fashioned Christmas Special--not unlike the Star Wars Holiday Special, I suppose, though Ford was playing himself. I think it was the snowed in cabin plot, and the idea was that the show would primarily revolve around cooking. Ford had gained a lot of weight and, though he wasn't drunk, he was acting drunk, very broadly; obviously because he thought he was being funny, though he was really just insufferable. What made it worse was that he spoke in an affected high pitched whine and was wearing only a large apron with a print like a bright orange Hawaiian shirt. His first guest was "Weird Al" Yankovic who couldn't hide behind his shtick how disturbed he was by Ford's behaviour. Yankovic's not one of those comedic performers who gets their comedy from allowing his genuine feelings of the moment to come through, so the experience just put him completely off-balance as much as he tried to crack jokes. It was an excruciatingly uncomfortable broadcast.

Twitter Sonnet #495

The recumbent feathers' asymmetry
Marks the hip that suggests panted thin legs.
No U turn pinstripe remains to sentry.
No non-stick pan can unbutter the eggs.
Serious spun ceiling fans foment roofs.
A damaging mint julep pares out fate.
Calliope paints a portrait of hooves.
See-saw beer kegs beleaguer gods too late.
Damned dock worker pant parts slowly combine:
Double decker Trouser-Tron takes cities.
No man's home hazards fight with machine mind.
Big boar digits disdain little piggies.
Insubstantial smocks may shock Hawaii.
Turkish baths make Batman Patrick Leahy.

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