Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Spear of Destiny

Guess who had his prostate checked to-day? Me! I'm the lucky one! I also had my genitals fondled, though it won't be until late March that I'll have a fibre optic implement snaked up my urethra. This despite the urologist not finding anything wrong in his other tests. I guess he has to dot every i, cross every t, and spit every penis.

I guess it's to check for bladder cancer. He seemed really stumped by the amount of blood in my urine that day, and he seemed outright alarmed when I told him I normally get up to pee around three times a night. Is that really strange? It doesn't seem like it could possibly be.

He asked about whether I'd had a history of kidney stones, I said I hadn't and that they'd checked for them with a CT scan when I had my first UTI.

"I wouldn't want to put you through another one," he said, "because of the radiation."

"Yeah, not to mention they're expensive," I said. "And the last one was before I had insurance."

"Oh, so you probably had to pay like a thousand dollars."

"Er, seven thousand, actually."

He seemed shocked, and a little disbelieving, "No, that . . . that's wrong, that can't be right. There's something wrong with that."

"I'll say."

To think the man who'd just penetrated me would turn out to be so innocent. Seriously, though, in case anyone's wondering, the prostate check wasn't that bad. It just felt sort of like I needed to take a massive shit. I hear they're important for guys to get who're around fifteen years older than me, so take it from a 32 year old with a mysterious ailment--they're nothing to be scared of. And it probably lessens the trauma of any potential future prison sex you might have.

I had a busy day to-day. The clinic was across town, and I had to make my way through rush hour traffic to get to class--I almost didn't make it, despite leaving the clinic with three hours to spare. I probably shouldn't have stopped for lunch.

I also had to do some reading for class earlier in the day. The teacher had assigned two chapters for us to read, but one of the first things he did when I got to class was ask us, "Did any of you manage to read both chapters?" Most people seemed not to know how to respond to this question en masse, except me--I replied automatically with a somewhat indignant, "Yes."

He ended up covering just one of the chapters, assuming most of the class hadn't managed to read both. What the fuck? The chapters were each around fourteen pages, and we had four days to read them. But even putting that aside, why even assign them if he's going to assume we didn't read them?

Last night I watched the first episode of Eagleheart, Chris Elliot's new show. It's nice to see him on television, and Adult Swim seems like the perfect fit for his humour. It's also nice to see Maria Thayer of Strangers with Candy.

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