Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Notice from Lunatic

So I don't have a urinary tract infection. I'm out of my mind.

Last night I was getting up to pee every five minutes, hours passed and I just tried to accept it, "This is what happens, I just need to ride it out until I get antibiotics." Then, starting at around 2am, I was only having to get up every two hours. Isn't that odd, I thought.

I was barely able to fill the cup for a urine sample this morning. "It's ironic, I was up half the night peeing, and now I can barely get any . . ." I said to the nurse, laughing sheepishly. I explained my symptoms to the doctor--a fellow whose bedside manner is to speak in an absolutely, invariably sober tone, like his wife left him that morning and he was trying to hold together all the time--and I concluded, "It's the damnedest thing, I feel okay this morning."

He poked and prodded my abdomen to no effect and said my urine test came back perfectly fine. "I drank a lot of cranberry juice yesterday, is it possible I actually got rid of it that way?"

"It would be the first time," he said with the closest thing I'd seen to a smile on his face so far.

I had blood taken, the results of which I'll hear about to-morrow, but as time passed the more I felt inclined to blame this on my insane fucking self. One of my grandmothers (I had four sets of grandparents, by the way, due to divorces and remarriages) is a notorious hypochondriac, and I'm starting to wonder if I've inherited this.

It's amazing--I certifiably had UTI in November, and I could have sworn I was feeling the same thing the past few days. Not just the frequent urination, but the bloating and cramps, too. The only thing I can think of is that, due to my dental work, which has required me to eat only cold, very soft things, I've been taking in a lot more dairy than usual, and I'd heard it's relatively common for someone to develop lactose intolerance at around my age, and bloating and cramping are symptoms of that. The urination could be chalked up to all the water and cranberry juice I'd been drinking in an effort to flush out my non-existent infection. I had actually been avoiding dairy--I don't get lattes anymore and I've been eating more Japanese food. The only dairy I'd been getting was the butter I'd sometimes put on my potatoes for dinner. On the days of my dental visits, I'd been shovelling in yoghurt.

But of course, this could all be in my head too, I'm probably the last person who ought to be diagnosing myself. At this point, I'd second guess leprosy. This is why I hate it when people deliberately try to make me worry. I'm neurotic enough. Aren't I?! Answer me!! I'm actually starting to wonder if I'm paranoid for suspecting I might be a hypochondriac.

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